A Lesson in Patience and Worth

I remember the first novel I wrote. I was in 7th grade and my English teacher, Mrs. Meager, was more than thrilled to read it for me. I'm not even sure it had a title. I still have the manuscript, 147 pages long, and it sits, along with many others, in a wooden chest my grandfather made for me. Also in that chest is the first manuscript I submitted for publication. I was sixteen years old at that time. I'm not sure how many publishers I queried. At the time it felt like dozens, but in reality, it was likely a handful. I even have a few of those rejection letters. They're also in that wooden chest. Those rejections felt like such a right of passage. They meant that not only did I write a book, I actually pursued publication. It didn't matter that it was never picked up. What it did was cement my title: I am a writer.

If someone would've told that twelve-year-old or that sixteen-year-old that I would not only one day get a publication offer, but that I would actually turn it down, I'd have told you to shut the front door. Okay, probably not really because I don't think that phrase even existed at the time. But I never would've believed it.

Yet I sit here, telling all of you, that it is exactly what I did. I was speechless when I opened my email and read the offer I got. I was expecting another rejection. Because that's just the business. You've got to go through No to get to Yes. When I realized what I was reading, I read it another handful of times, at least, making sure my eyes weren't playing a cruel joke on me. Nope, it was real. I felt a surge of emotion. From shock to joy to disbelief, and everything in between. Naturally, I couldn't get a hold of anyone I wanted to tell. Isn't that always how it goes? I got voicemail after voicemail. So then I started texting everyone until I finally got responses back. 

And then, know what I did? I set aside the offer and the contract, determined to let my emotions settle and my frazzled brain to pull it together. I sat on it for a couple weeks, going back to it periodically, writing down every possible question that came to mind. And then I enlisted the support of some of the most brilliant people in my life. What do you think of this offer? Unfortunately, the concerns they had mirrored mine, and I knew then what I had to do. It was an offer to publish, but it would almost have solely benefited the publisher with little benefit to me, or even my work for that matter. So I did the thing I never thought I would if the day ever came for a real offer... I turned it down.

Whoa. Those words still are a little hard to swallow. Even though in my head I'm 100% confident in my decision, knowing it was the right one. This, I've come to realize, was a massive learning opportunity. It made me sit down and reflect on what I really want for my book series, rather than just let someone else dictate to me what to do. And it also taught me how not to downgrade my work. This series has been my baby for over two years, and I now have a better idea of what its success should look like. Lessons learned? Trust in the value of my hard work. And believe in myself and my worth. Know what I deserve and don't compromise and accept anything less than that. 

So what's the plan? Keep working toward that goal. Keep pushing through those rejections until I finally get to the right person with the right vision and goals for my work. And in the meantime, have faith that this will work out, in one way or another.  

Winners fail until they succeed. - Robert Kiyosaki