The Purposeful Woman

This month's Purposeful Woman is a true story of what it is to overcome. It is the true definition of fight and perseverance. Emily, a mother of three miracle boys, a wife, a business owner, and a cancer survivor. It's a celebration of the human spirit and the fight of a woman. This is a story that will leave you feeling inspired.

Emily Ballantyne                                                                  

A mother of three boys, Cade and Cole (7 years) and Blake (2 years), Emily has been married to Justin for eleven years. "Justin and I got married when I was nineteen, and we lived in Bountiful and I worked at a bank. And I loved it!" Things got very serious right away for Emily and Justin when she miscarried her first pregnancy at thirteen weeks. "After that pregnancy we really took the time to get to know each other. We were so young. We traveled, not crazy places or anything, and went on adventures together and really grew as a couple." In 2011, the twins were born and then in 2012 their little family moved to Layton, Utah. "We had decided that I would stay home with the boys and that was really special to me that I didn't have to put them in daycare." Between the twins in 2011 and Blake in 2016, to her excitement, she got pregnant again. But things took a very serious turn, for a second time, when they discovered that this pregnancy was a cesarean-scar ectopic pregnancy. "I will never forget it," she said, recalling the heartbreak all those years ago. "The embryo implanted right into my c-section scar." It is considered the rarest form of ectopic pregnancy and is a life-threatening condition. "We had been so excited when we found out we were pregnant. I had gotten a positive pregnancy test and I will just never forget it. I was in Walmart, I could feel myself bleeding, so I bought pads and went into the bathroom to find out that I had miscarried. It was mortifying. It was one of the worst things I had to go through. It's only about 1 in 300,000 and I just was lucky enough to defy the odds. In total, I have been pregnant five times."

What three words would you use to describe yourself?
"Resilient, kind-hearted, and passionate. When I find something that I am passionate about, I stick with it. Maybe not everything is it but it leads me to the next thing."

"I really struggle with anxiety," she bravely admits. "It really set in after my ectopic pregnancy scare. It just stopped my whole life. And after that, everything fed my anxiety. It ruled my world. I couldn't sleep at night. I worried that if I turned here, something bad would happen. I worried about all kinds of things that I couldn't control. Reaching out was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sitting there, telling someone you have a mental problem, makes you feel weak. But reaching out... that was the best thing. And if I could tell anything to anyone with anxiety, it's to reach out. It's scary, but it's the best thing."

Emily's Favorites                                                                                   

Movie?
Romance. Chick Flicks. "I love The Proposal and The Back-Up Plan... twins, obviously!"
Song?
"Right now I love a little bit of everything. Ed Sheeran, Dean Lewis, Meghan Trainor
Book?
"I'm not much of a reader. And people tell me how unfortunate that is. I genuinely want to, but I fall asleep. I love to sleep. I will sleep any chance I get. I have read some. Edenbrook is my favorite!"
Food?
"Anything Italian! Mostly pasta. Pasta and breadsticks. But then throw in a slice of cheesecake!"

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
"Europe. Mainly Italy and France. Or take me to a beach somewhere.
What are your guilty pleasures?
"Netflix! Specifically Gray's [Anatomy], Private Practice. And ice cream. Together!" she said emphatically with a laugh.
What are your first thoughts in the morning?"
"I am not a morning person. I will stay in bed as long as I can. I have good intentions, but I'm just not the person to Get Up and Go! I'm a night owl."

Parenting and Marriage                                                                                                                                                   

What would you describe as your parenting motto?

"First to have patience. Then to proceed with love. I have to stop myself and remind myself of this often. So many times as a parent we just jump on them, but I have to count to ten. Parent with love.

As a parent, what is your biggest challenge?"

"Validation- their wants, their feelings, their needs. It's about balance between being understanding and what is logical."

What's your favorite part?

Love. "Even thought it's hard, there is always love."

How do your prioritize your marriage?

"Family comes first. Being cohesive is our number one. After that, we do things as a family, as a group, and as a team."

As a couple, what is your favorite thing to do together?

"My guilty pleasures. We like to watch action shows. Or grab a Redbox and park the car in the mountains to watch it!"

How would you sum up your marriage in one word?

"Adventure!"

Putting Herself First                                                                               

How do you prioritize your health?

"I've really focused on this in the last year, since my cancer. I usually put everyone else first, but I am learning how to put myself first. I focus on food and exercise to be a healthy mom and wife so that I can have the energy to take care of them"

What makes you feel beautiful? 

"Being kind-hearted. When I am kind, I feel good. It makes me feel like a strong and beautiful woman."

What is one thing you would improve in yourself?

"Self-control- in every area of my life- with food and with anger and frustration. Having more control over how I respond with my kids."

How do you make time for yourself?

"After my kids go to bed, that is my time. Turn on Netflix and do my nails."
Tell me about the kinds of things that inspire you.
"Definitely other people's success. I know that if I don't think I have it in me, I look at other people that are doing it and it reminds me that I do have it in me."
What is one of your biggest dreams?
"I have something big in mind... I've started working on it already! I want to own my own do-it-yourself cupcake shop," she said with excitement. "Like self-serve ice cream, but cupcakes!"
How do you manage doubt when it comes to your dreams?
"I don't know anyone who doesn't doubt at some point. But I manage by writing down all the worries that are on my mind. Putting it on paper helps me overcome. I can take a step back and re-evaluate. And then I make a list of the things I'm grateful for. It really over-compensates."

Small-business Owner                                                                            

Emily is owner of Em's Cake Design, a local bakery for custom all-things cake, and cookies, offering over 50 flavors! What started as a simple and fun cake decorating class at Michael's years ago, fueled by tremendous popularity through word of mouth, Em's Cake Design blossomed into a successful business for Emily that she can run from her own kitchen.
What was your favorite cake that you were able to design?
"A naked cake. They're really popular right now, and my brother's to-be wife wanted one for their wedding. And I was so nervous to do this 4-tiered naked cake for the very first time. But it ended up to be one of my most favorite cakes that I've ever gotten to design."
What is your favorite cake flavor?
"Crazy enough, I don't even eat cake! But I guess, maybe, the devil's food with Oreo cream filling and vanilla buttercream frosting."

Cancer Survior                                                                                       

In 2017, Emily was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. And it threw her life into a tailspin. "They don't necessarily stage thyroid cancer, but if they did it would have been about stage 2 because it had spread to my lymph nodes. We were hoping that the first surgery would be enough. They removed the right side of my thyroid because that was the side that had the nodule on it. But we then learned that it had spread to the other side, so they removed ten lymph nodes in both sides of my neck."

You're so young, how did it even come about that you were diagnosed?

"Intuition. I just felt off. I felt tired all the time. I was getting headaches. I just didn't feel like myself. The world kind of seemed like a fog. They call it brain fog. I felt like I was living in a dream. So I went to my regular primary care physician and he was doing a typical exam and when he got down to the thyroid, he could feel the nodule on the right side. The great thing about being so young and healthy was that the outcome was good."

What went though your head when you first heard the word "cancer"?

"I'll never forget it," she said, getting serious. "I was sitting at my kitchen table. The radiologist who did my biopsy had assured me over and over again that these were unlikely to be cancerous. That 1 in 10 were cancer. He told me to get online and look at my chart in a couple days, and just look for the word benign. So, it was a Sunday evening, and the kids were downstairs playing and Justin and I were sitting across from each other at the table and had the thought pop, oh, I'm going to check my results, and I pulled it up and it said malignant. And obviously I know what that word means, but I was in such disbelief that I had to Google it. Malignant. And sure enough, thyroid cancer."

"I feel that we go throughout life and think what would I do if I got cancer? And we role play that in our head, but how often does that really happen? So, it was just... I couldn't believe it."

You were really transparent about your journey through social media. You seemed so steadfast about it. Where did you find the strength to take the next step and to just keep going?

"My family. And really, when you're given the option, you don't give up. It wasn't an option to give up. Because then you're giving up on yourself, you're giving up on your family, and you're giving up on your life. And that was never an option.

What kind of treatment did you go through?

"Radioactive Iodine Treatment. And that was two weeks of a low iodine diet. No salt. No dairy. The craziest diet I've ever done. It's not a fad diet, I promise. And then they put iodine in a pill and it's radioactive. The radioactive isotopes are released into your body, and because the thyroid absorbs iodine and because it's radioactive, it destroys any, and all thyroid cells in your body.

Because of this treatment, you had to go through a kind of quarantine, correct?

"Yes. It made me radioactive. I had to wash every surface I touched; I couldn't be by my kids for four days. And I consider myself lucky because some people have to do it for weeks. I stayed at my parents's house for the treatment because your kids, a two year-old, doesn't understand that they have to stay away from mommy."

"I still have the little pill bottle that they gave me the pill in. The guy was in a full hazmat suit and handed me this little bottle, and he whispered to me 'Don't tell anyone'. So I love that I have that little pill bottle to just remind me."

Where are you today after all that treatment?
"Today I am cancer free! Since April, I've been cancer free and I will just have routine checks.

"That was definitely the ending of a book that I have closed and put on the shelf. I, definitely have felt like this was a new chapter for me. A way I can start again. Well, what is my purpose? And I know that my purpose is to be a mom, and a wife, and to some day have my own bakery. So I just had to put that book on the shelf. I mean, it's still there, that book on the shelf, and it was still a real part of my life, but it just sits there and doesn't get opened very often.

"I am very passionate about sharing my experience with people because it raises awareness. And if it can help coach others through similar situations, then I am all about sharing what I went through," she said with a nod.

"My journey was really more of an emotional battle than a physical one. But, thankfully, I had so much support and love."

Moving Forward                                                                                       

What is the best advice you've ever been given or the most inspiring thing you've read?

Beautiful girl, you were made to do hard things. So believe in yourself, because when all of that doubt comes creeping in and you feel like you're giving up, or you feel like you're failing as a parent, or as a wife, or as a business person, you just have to believe in yourself and know that you were brought here to do hard things. And you can conquer them.

"And this is the other one..."

You were given these children, you, no one else. You were given these children because you are who they need. You were given the soul to love them, even on hard days. You have the motivation to love these children and give them everything they need. You have the heart to wake up every morning and do it all over again, even when you're exhausted. You have the smile that they crave, and the touch to make everything okay, and you are their sunshine and comfort. You are theirs and they are yours. And on the days you are questioning yourself, remember this.

"Believe in yourself."