The Purposeful Woman

Alivia Burgess

Alivia, a mother of two daughters, Charlotte (6) and Samantha (2), has been married to Gene for nine years. "I had a good life growing up," she said, thinking back to her childhood. "My parents got divorced when I was in junior high. But everything was pretty happy. We traveled a lot, didn't really want for anything. I had a pretty good childhood," she said. "I was in choir, and HOSA, and the senior committee. It was really the typical white-picket-fence life." After high school, Alivia went on to study nursing at Southern Utah University. "College was fun. I was in a sorority, and did all the college things," she said with a devious laugh. "When I was in college, my best friend had committed suicide, so I ended up moving home, and going to Weber State after that." With the sudden death of her closest friend, Alivia admits she struggled with serious depression and anxiety. "I didn't make it to nursing school, but I did have enough credits for an Associates of Science. And [in 2002], my friend and I left Utah and moved to Colorado. Mostly because all of our friends were getting married and we didn't want to, so we escaped," she said with a laugh. "I lived in Colorado for about seven years. There, I worked as a medical assistant. I did that for a lot of years. And then I worked in credit card processing 

"I got married in 2003, and then divorced in 2005. And then I met Gene in 2008." He was a bouncer, right? You met him at a bar? "I did," she smiled. "I was getting ready to move home, actually. I had been divorced for a couple years, so I was going to move back to Utah. And then my best friend told me she wanted me to meet someone, in an effort to keep me in Colorado. So she introduced us. At a bar. He was a bouncer there. That was his part-time job. He worked in telecom cabling during the day. We instantly hit it off and he ended up moving to Utah with me, so I moved anyway.

"We got married after being [in Utah] for about a year." Alivia spent the next few years working sales for credit card processing and then an oil company, and after the birth of Sam in 2015, she left her job to become a stay-at-home mom. 

PCOS, Depression, & Anxiety

"We struggled to get pregnant with [Charlotte] because I have PCOS." Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, is an insulin resistant metabolic disorder common among women. It affects roughly 1 in 10 women, and causes hormonal imbalance and metabolism problems. The rate of infertility in women with PCOS is very high and represents 80% of anovulatory infertility cases. Perfectly enough, September is PCOS Awareness Month, and groups all over the country come together to build support for other women with this struggle. "I was told when I was a teenager and was diagnosed with it, that I might not have babies." Alivia has had to manage her PCOS with medication and has also needed surgery. "After I went off birth control, my PCOS went out of control. And I gained thirty pounds in three months. They found a bunch of polyps and cysts and fluid behind my uterus and so I had to have a bunch of surgery. Once Gene and I got married, we tried for a year and a half and couldn't get pregnant, so my doctor put me on fertility meds, which were awful. Eventually I just said we can't do this anymore. I was still dealing with anxiety and depression; I had been on anti-depressants for tens year by then. I went off of the fertility meds and my mom took me to New York for a week, came home, got pregnant." For her second pregnancy, no intervention was needed. "Sam came all on her own."

Taking Control of Her Health

"After Charlotte, I lost weight easily. But after Sam, I didn't. At all. And that's when I decided to do my own weight loss. I knew that low carb, low sugar worked well for me. I lost about twenty pounds in five months or so." At that point, Alivia started drawing the attention of those around her, wondering what she was doing and how she was being so successful. To build a community of women who wanted to get healthier and take control of their PCOS, she put together a Facebook group and began coaching other women on their journeys. "A lot of women don't even know they have PCOS and they think they just gain weight easily. But I've had it for so long that I can pretty much identify someone with it by looking at them and simply knowing their symptoms. PCOS goes hand in hand with diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. And when I was pregnant with both of my girls, I had gestational diabetes. Now, I'm back down to my high school weight, but if I don't take my meds, which regulate my insulin, after only two or three days my cravings start coming back, I start breaking out and having all these symptoms."

Without realizing it, Alivia began to take the lead with more and more women, coaching them on the road to better health and weight management. "Health coaching just fell into my lap. And it's been life changing. It combines so many things that I love. I love medicine, and being a people person - being able to talk to people. It's been a fun new career and it's something I'm passionate about."

How do you prioritize your health?

"Definitely better than I ever used to. Because that's my job. I make time to go to the gym every day. I'm a health coach, so basically it's my job to be healthy. I'm an example to so many people. I've made it a priority for myself as well as at home." 

Being healthy has greatly impacted Alivia's life and her personal struggles with anxiety and depression. "I think the kinds of things we eat has a big effect on our brains. But that being said, the death of my friend caused me to tailspin. It caused a chemical imbalance in me. And then my divorce, did it all over again. I know what it feels like to be depressed and I know what it feels like when it's creeping back in. But today I'm better equipped to deal with it. I'm better at redirecting it before it gets bad. Depression can consume you, but if you can catch it, if you can identify it, just as it's coming, and do something about it, it doesn't succumb you as much. But I think it will be a battle for forever."

Digging Deeper

If you have to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
"Passionate. Loving. That's one thing I figured out through coaching, I realized what I am here to do. What my personality is good at is loving people." And lastly, "I would like to say strong. I feel like I'm strong-willed and I'm becoming physically strong."

What's your favorite movie?
"I'm a Libra, so it changes," she laughed. "Probably The Greatest Showman. Or Les Mis. I like musicals. I like to sing."

Since you're such a singer, what's your favorite song?
"Fresh Eyes, by Andy Grammer. It's pretty cute."

You have a shirt that says EAT, so tell me, what's your favorite food?
"I have so many! This is a multi-faceted question. Mexican food is probably my favorite type of food because, chips and salsa. My favorite dinner to make lately is egg roll in a bowl. And my favorite little sinful treat is Green & Black's dark chocolate with a little sea salt."

Favorite book?
"I wish I had more time to read books. I really like fantasy. It keeps my interest more than most others. I love Harry Potter. I really liked the Twilight series, but I loved the book she wrote after that, The Host. Oh, and I love The Cape House. I should read that again. I loved it. Ugh, all the crying." If you didn't already know, The Cape House was the first novel I published.

We've all got them... what are your guilty pleasures?
"Oh boy! My chocolate. And the Bachelor/Bachelorette. That whole franchise. But I don't really feel guilty about them. I just have pleasures," she laughs. "Although sometimes I hide in the pantry from my kids when I have a treat."

First thoughts in the morning?
"Usually, crap... what time is it? I'm a really light sleeper, so I'm usually up multiple times in the night. Did you know, I learned this from the self-help book The Miracle Morning, that your first thought in the morning is usually your last though at night? So you should do bedtime affirmations."

What makes you feel beautiful?
"At first, it was 'if I could lose this much weight, I would feel beautiful'. And I got to that point and now I think strong is beautiful. Muscles and being healthy. And also getting dressed up. I feel the most beautiful when I have my family with me."

Where do you find inspiration in life, as a mom, a wife, a coach, a woman?
"Seeing people succeed. Seeing people break through barriers of self-doubt. That's what inspires me."

How do you manage doubt?
"One of my friends is over the Vasa fitness center and we talked about me teaching a class, and I thought 'I can't teach a class, that's crazy'. Not long ago, I took a step back from my coaching, just to look at the big picture, and I thought to myself, 'that's a lot of people depending on me', and I kind of freaked out. And it made me wonder if I could really do this. But then, I got a text from my friend, and it said:

"Your calling is meant for you, not anyone else. Everybody may not get it, and that's okay. They weren't designed for this, you were. God didn't place it in their heart, he placed it in yours. If we left the plans and purposes of our lives in the hands of people, our life would be conformed to what people want to see instead of who God made us to be. And that's just no way to live." Britney Moses

I couldn't help but think that that quote was so in keeping with the message of Girl, Dream It. Every post is meant to encourage and inspire women to find what their calling is and discover who they are, and not try to be someone else, not compare themselves to others. We were all uniquely made to play a role in life that is specific to us. No one else can do what we are called to do. We just need to find a way to be brave enough to follow that calling and live our purpose.

"I feel like I know myself so much better than I ever have, and I feel like I know why God puts me in different people's paths, and what my job is. And so before, I would doubt myself and I just wouldn't do it. But now I feel like, I've become a lot more in-tuned with my intuition. The more you get to know yourself, and trust yourself, and trust God, and trust your intuition, the less doubt you have. The more I get to know myself, the more I fall in love with myself the better mom I am, the better wife I am, the better friend I am."

Parenting & Marriage

If you were to have a parenting motto, what would it be?
"Just to love [my kids]. Love them through their fits because all of those stem from some other frustration. They throw tantrums because they're little, or the don't feel heard, or they had a rough day at school. And if you get down on their level and talk to them about it, treat them like they're a person, then they respond better. Plus, that's all they want. They just want you to love them. They don't want you to be perfect. They just want to be snuggled, and loved, and safe."

What would you say is your biggest challenge as a mom?
"Balancing my drive for working and my need to contribute financially but also feel like I'm contributing to society. When I just stayed at home I was depressed. Because all I did was clean, and take care of kids, and wipe boogers, and change diapers. It wasn't fulfilling, which made me feel guilty. But for me, that isn't all there is. So it's balancing that guilt that being their mom should be fulfilling to me with putting my kids in daycare so that I can work. I don't have to work financially, but I have to mentally for myself. So, ultimately it's balancing work and mothering."

What's your favorite part about parenting?
"I kind of a have a love/hate with the neediness. Seeing the girls succeed, and Charlotte be confident in herself. I love the cuddly moments when they need me, but I love seeing them be strong and brave."

How do you prioritize your marriage?
"I'm not sure I do a very good job of that, honestly. But we try and do a date night once a week, and we also have just mom and dad time. We have a set bedtime, and then Gene and I will sit and watch shows and just hang out together. We try real hard. That's about all you can do when you have a six and two year old."

What is your favorite thing to do together?
"Lately, it's been archery. He's really into it and he bought me a bow and I just picked it up this summer and I love it! We shoot in our backyard, and the girls have their own bows now, too."

Sum up your marriage in one word.
"Comfortable. We're in a good rhythm."

Health Coaching Journey

What took you from your personal weight loss journey to helping others have that kind of success?

"It started with people just noticing that I had lost weight, and my girlfriends started asking me, and of course I wanted to help them. So that's when I put together that Facebook group, and we called it Cysted Sisters. Like Twisted Sisters," she said with a laugh. "I tried really hard to translate what I had done to them, and what I did was basically what this company that I coach for now does. Low carb, low sugar, lean proteins, and vegetables. I kind of struggled at that point to translate it to these women, and so they struggled to be on any sort of plan, until one of my friends asked me what I had done. And I told him and he pretty much told me that he had done the same, but with a program and it was already pre-done. So I looked into it with my medical background to make sure it was healthy and something that wasn't going to screw my friends up. All I really wanted to do was help them. And so now it has blown up into something I just didn't imagine."

In her hand- the weight she's lost. On the floor- the collective weight loss of her clients.

As a health coach, what is your biggest challenge?

"People not believing in themselves. We kind of follow a motto of believe in them until they can believe in themselves. Or fight for them until they can fight for themselves. Some people just aren't ready. It's a lifestyle change. It's a big deal, and it's hard."

What's the best part?

"It's when after the first week, or the first month, and they have proven to themselves that they can do it, that they're down ten pounds, or twenty pounds. They're super excited! Or when people call me and say 'I'm no longer on the brink of diabetes', or 'I just got taken off my blood pressure medication'. Those kind of things make it all worth it. If I hadn't made the choice I had a year ago to become a health coach, they may not be getting healthy. That makes me feel like it was all worth it.

Moving Forward

"What's helped me to move forward and believe in myself, and fight through depression is believing that I have a bigger purpose, that I was put here to do something great. You might not know what yours is, yet, but whether it's raising a child that's going to be kind to others, or it's being a health coach and it's helping people get off their medications, or writing books, whatever it is, we all have a purpose. And just believing in that, that you have a purpose, that you're an individual and you're not supposed to be like everyone else, and that's what makes you beautiful, and that's what makes you amazing. You are your own person and you have your own talents. It's hard. I say that and I think back to the me before I woke up to myself, and you can say all those things and they are pretty words, but to somebody who doesn't believe in themselves, or to somebody who is struggling, it's hard to sit in that space and believe that they're made for something different. But no matter the dark time I was in in the past, there was always someone who loved me, someone who was an angel to me. And now I just want to be that for someone else."

What is the best advice you've ever been given and would pass along to other women?

"Probably to take time for myself. To take care of myself because then I'll be better able to take care of other people. I think that so many women run themselves ragged- whether they're mothers or not, whether they're wives or not, women just by nature try to take care of everyone, or try to do all of the things because we're trying to keep up with all the guys, and be in a men's world. I feel like a lot of women are running a rat race just trying to keep up when we're really just running ourselves into the ground. If you can't take care of yourself, you're not going to be able to run anywhere or take care of anyone else.

"Remember your worth. Know that you are worth more than what people tell you that you are because people are flawed and people are going to say mean things, or people are going to put doubt in your mind about who you are and what you can do. Love yourself and respect yourself. And prioritize yourself. Remember that you're strong and beautiful and anything in your head that you want to do you can make happen."  

The Purposeful Woman

This month's Purposeful Woman is a true story of what it is to overcome. It is the true definition of fight and perseverance. Emily, a mother of three miracle boys, a wife, a business owner, and a cancer survivor. It's a celebration of the human spirit and the fight of a woman. This is a story that will leave you feeling inspired.

Emily Ballantyne                                                                  

A mother of three boys, Cade and Cole (7 years) and Blake (2 years), Emily has been married to Justin for eleven years. "Justin and I got married when I was nineteen, and we lived in Bountiful and I worked at a bank. And I loved it!" Things got very serious right away for Emily and Justin when she miscarried her first pregnancy at thirteen weeks. "After that pregnancy we really took the time to get to know each other. We were so young. We traveled, not crazy places or anything, and went on adventures together and really grew as a couple." In 2011, the twins were born and then in 2012 their little family moved to Layton, Utah. "We had decided that I would stay home with the boys and that was really special to me that I didn't have to put them in daycare." Between the twins in 2011 and Blake in 2016, to her excitement, she got pregnant again. But things took a very serious turn, for a second time, when they discovered that this pregnancy was a cesarean-scar ectopic pregnancy. "I will never forget it," she said, recalling the heartbreak all those years ago. "The embryo implanted right into my c-section scar." It is considered the rarest form of ectopic pregnancy and is a life-threatening condition. "We had been so excited when we found out we were pregnant. I had gotten a positive pregnancy test and I will just never forget it. I was in Walmart, I could feel myself bleeding, so I bought pads and went into the bathroom to find out that I had miscarried. It was mortifying. It was one of the worst things I had to go through. It's only about 1 in 300,000 and I just was lucky enough to defy the odds. In total, I have been pregnant five times."

What three words would you use to describe yourself?
"Resilient, kind-hearted, and passionate. When I find something that I am passionate about, I stick with it. Maybe not everything is it but it leads me to the next thing."

"I really struggle with anxiety," she bravely admits. "It really set in after my ectopic pregnancy scare. It just stopped my whole life. And after that, everything fed my anxiety. It ruled my world. I couldn't sleep at night. I worried that if I turned here, something bad would happen. I worried about all kinds of things that I couldn't control. Reaching out was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sitting there, telling someone you have a mental problem, makes you feel weak. But reaching out... that was the best thing. And if I could tell anything to anyone with anxiety, it's to reach out. It's scary, but it's the best thing."

Emily's Favorites                                                                                   

Movie?
Romance. Chick Flicks. "I love The Proposal and The Back-Up Plan... twins, obviously!"
Song?
"Right now I love a little bit of everything. Ed Sheeran, Dean Lewis, Meghan Trainor
Book?
"I'm not much of a reader. And people tell me how unfortunate that is. I genuinely want to, but I fall asleep. I love to sleep. I will sleep any chance I get. I have read some. Edenbrook is my favorite!"
Food?
"Anything Italian! Mostly pasta. Pasta and breadsticks. But then throw in a slice of cheesecake!"

If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?
"Europe. Mainly Italy and France. Or take me to a beach somewhere.
What are your guilty pleasures?
"Netflix! Specifically Gray's [Anatomy], Private Practice. And ice cream. Together!" she said emphatically with a laugh.
What are your first thoughts in the morning?"
"I am not a morning person. I will stay in bed as long as I can. I have good intentions, but I'm just not the person to Get Up and Go! I'm a night owl."

Parenting and Marriage                                                                                                                                                   

What would you describe as your parenting motto?

"First to have patience. Then to proceed with love. I have to stop myself and remind myself of this often. So many times as a parent we just jump on them, but I have to count to ten. Parent with love.

As a parent, what is your biggest challenge?"

"Validation- their wants, their feelings, their needs. It's about balance between being understanding and what is logical."

What's your favorite part?

Love. "Even thought it's hard, there is always love."

How do your prioritize your marriage?

"Family comes first. Being cohesive is our number one. After that, we do things as a family, as a group, and as a team."

As a couple, what is your favorite thing to do together?

"My guilty pleasures. We like to watch action shows. Or grab a Redbox and park the car in the mountains to watch it!"

How would you sum up your marriage in one word?

"Adventure!"

Putting Herself First                                                                               

How do you prioritize your health?

"I've really focused on this in the last year, since my cancer. I usually put everyone else first, but I am learning how to put myself first. I focus on food and exercise to be a healthy mom and wife so that I can have the energy to take care of them"

What makes you feel beautiful? 

"Being kind-hearted. When I am kind, I feel good. It makes me feel like a strong and beautiful woman."

What is one thing you would improve in yourself?

"Self-control- in every area of my life- with food and with anger and frustration. Having more control over how I respond with my kids."

How do you make time for yourself?

"After my kids go to bed, that is my time. Turn on Netflix and do my nails."
Tell me about the kinds of things that inspire you.
"Definitely other people's success. I know that if I don't think I have it in me, I look at other people that are doing it and it reminds me that I do have it in me."
What is one of your biggest dreams?
"I have something big in mind... I've started working on it already! I want to own my own do-it-yourself cupcake shop," she said with excitement. "Like self-serve ice cream, but cupcakes!"
How do you manage doubt when it comes to your dreams?
"I don't know anyone who doesn't doubt at some point. But I manage by writing down all the worries that are on my mind. Putting it on paper helps me overcome. I can take a step back and re-evaluate. And then I make a list of the things I'm grateful for. It really over-compensates."

Small-business Owner                                                                            

Emily is owner of Em's Cake Design, a local bakery for custom all-things cake, and cookies, offering over 50 flavors! What started as a simple and fun cake decorating class at Michael's years ago, fueled by tremendous popularity through word of mouth, Em's Cake Design blossomed into a successful business for Emily that she can run from her own kitchen.
What was your favorite cake that you were able to design?
"A naked cake. They're really popular right now, and my brother's to-be wife wanted one for their wedding. And I was so nervous to do this 4-tiered naked cake for the very first time. But it ended up to be one of my most favorite cakes that I've ever gotten to design."
What is your favorite cake flavor?
"Crazy enough, I don't even eat cake! But I guess, maybe, the devil's food with Oreo cream filling and vanilla buttercream frosting."

Cancer Survior                                                                                       

In 2017, Emily was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. And it threw her life into a tailspin. "They don't necessarily stage thyroid cancer, but if they did it would have been about stage 2 because it had spread to my lymph nodes. We were hoping that the first surgery would be enough. They removed the right side of my thyroid because that was the side that had the nodule on it. But we then learned that it had spread to the other side, so they removed ten lymph nodes in both sides of my neck."

You're so young, how did it even come about that you were diagnosed?

"Intuition. I just felt off. I felt tired all the time. I was getting headaches. I just didn't feel like myself. The world kind of seemed like a fog. They call it brain fog. I felt like I was living in a dream. So I went to my regular primary care physician and he was doing a typical exam and when he got down to the thyroid, he could feel the nodule on the right side. The great thing about being so young and healthy was that the outcome was good."

What went though your head when you first heard the word "cancer"?

"I'll never forget it," she said, getting serious. "I was sitting at my kitchen table. The radiologist who did my biopsy had assured me over and over again that these were unlikely to be cancerous. That 1 in 10 were cancer. He told me to get online and look at my chart in a couple days, and just look for the word benign. So, it was a Sunday evening, and the kids were downstairs playing and Justin and I were sitting across from each other at the table and had the thought pop, oh, I'm going to check my results, and I pulled it up and it said malignant. And obviously I know what that word means, but I was in such disbelief that I had to Google it. Malignant. And sure enough, thyroid cancer."

"I feel that we go throughout life and think what would I do if I got cancer? And we role play that in our head, but how often does that really happen? So, it was just... I couldn't believe it."

You were really transparent about your journey through social media. You seemed so steadfast about it. Where did you find the strength to take the next step and to just keep going?

"My family. And really, when you're given the option, you don't give up. It wasn't an option to give up. Because then you're giving up on yourself, you're giving up on your family, and you're giving up on your life. And that was never an option.

What kind of treatment did you go through?

"Radioactive Iodine Treatment. And that was two weeks of a low iodine diet. No salt. No dairy. The craziest diet I've ever done. It's not a fad diet, I promise. And then they put iodine in a pill and it's radioactive. The radioactive isotopes are released into your body, and because the thyroid absorbs iodine and because it's radioactive, it destroys any, and all thyroid cells in your body.

Because of this treatment, you had to go through a kind of quarantine, correct?

"Yes. It made me radioactive. I had to wash every surface I touched; I couldn't be by my kids for four days. And I consider myself lucky because some people have to do it for weeks. I stayed at my parents's house for the treatment because your kids, a two year-old, doesn't understand that they have to stay away from mommy."

"I still have the little pill bottle that they gave me the pill in. The guy was in a full hazmat suit and handed me this little bottle, and he whispered to me 'Don't tell anyone'. So I love that I have that little pill bottle to just remind me."

Where are you today after all that treatment?
"Today I am cancer free! Since April, I've been cancer free and I will just have routine checks.

"That was definitely the ending of a book that I have closed and put on the shelf. I, definitely have felt like this was a new chapter for me. A way I can start again. Well, what is my purpose? And I know that my purpose is to be a mom, and a wife, and to some day have my own bakery. So I just had to put that book on the shelf. I mean, it's still there, that book on the shelf, and it was still a real part of my life, but it just sits there and doesn't get opened very often.

"I am very passionate about sharing my experience with people because it raises awareness. And if it can help coach others through similar situations, then I am all about sharing what I went through," she said with a nod.

"My journey was really more of an emotional battle than a physical one. But, thankfully, I had so much support and love."

Moving Forward                                                                                       

What is the best advice you've ever been given or the most inspiring thing you've read?

Beautiful girl, you were made to do hard things. So believe in yourself, because when all of that doubt comes creeping in and you feel like you're giving up, or you feel like you're failing as a parent, or as a wife, or as a business person, you just have to believe in yourself and know that you were brought here to do hard things. And you can conquer them.

"And this is the other one..."

You were given these children, you, no one else. You were given these children because you are who they need. You were given the soul to love them, even on hard days. You have the motivation to love these children and give them everything they need. You have the heart to wake up every morning and do it all over again, even when you're exhausted. You have the smile that they crave, and the touch to make everything okay, and you are their sunshine and comfort. You are theirs and they are yours. And on the days you are questioning yourself, remember this.

"Believe in yourself."

     

  

The Purposeful Woman

I am so excited to introduce you all to this month's Purposeful Woman. Krysten is an amazing woman who balances a full-time career, a personal consulting business, as well as a family. She tells the powerful story of how she and her husband struggled with the heartbreak of infertility, and how she used her personal business as a way to rise above. Today, she is raising awareness to the harmful ingredients we use in our everyday products, and what we can do to better ourselves and our health by switching to safer products. She is a woman who lifts up others and encourages all women to follow their dreams.

Krysten and Aaron have been married for seven years, and together, with a home on the lake in central Minnesota, they are raising their two beautiful daughters: Addison (almost 4), and Emilia (7 months). Krysten, who earned her undergrad from the University of Minnesota, Duluth in psychology, and a masters in Counseling Psychology from St. Cloud State University, works for the College of Saint Benedict in student accessibility services. She provides students with disabilities additional academic and housing support. In addition to this career, she also balances a consulting business with the Beautycounter, a B-Corp, whose mission is to raise awareness of harmful ingredients in personal care products, provide safer solutions, and push for more protective health laws in the personal care industry.

Years ago, I followed Krysten's food blog, which she had built during her stint as a stay-at-home mom after the birth of Addie. She had the best recipes and made even me, a kitchen-inept woman, feel I could pull off some culinary masterpieces. Sadly, it's not possible to balance everything and she has since let that venture go. "It was a lot of work! Maybe some day I'll bring it back." That would be amazing. 

How does Krysten describe herself in three words? Driven. Straight-forward. Honest. "Doesn't seem to make me seem well-rounded; it should be something like... mom." But in a world of Minnesota-nice, "I always like to know where I stand. People can always know where they stand with me."

Krysten's born-and-bred Minnesota girl shines through when she describes her favorite things as her family, "being on the water", and a "nice cocktail." She sipped away on one of those while we had this interview. With the lake in the distance. My Minnesota heart yearned to be physically with her. Some of her other favorites? "I'm going to sound like a giant hick right now, but I love country music. I am a country girl." Specifically, 90s country. "I also listen to a lot of kid-bop. Which sometimes I just listen to because it's, literally, all the hits. It's so funny how they change the lyrics, just a little bit, so that you're like... pumping that water," she says with a laugh. All moms out there will know exactly what she means. Her favorite book is Girl, Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis. "Every word of that book I'm like, yes! yes! yes! It's just so darn good!" 

Krysten had no hesitation when asked about her favorite food. "Tortellini Straw and Hay from Ciatti's." (Which, sadly, is now closed.) "I would eat it like it was my job. And I have tried over and over again to perfect that recipe and I just can't do it." Ironically, it was this very recipe from her blog that I served to all on my bunco ladies for dinner one night, years ago.

"What is your first thought in the morning?" 

"How many times can I hit snooze? Do I have to wash my hair?" Insert fingers into the hair for a wash check. "Then I start going through what needs to happen in the morning. Calculate."

Parenting is tough, and Krysten knows just as well as any mom out there. So, Krysten, "what would you describe as your parenting motto?" 

"We're the boss. What we say goes. I think we're pretty strict. And then I heard this thing a while ago about how the way you talk to your kids becomes their inner-voice. So I try to watch what I say. I want to boost [Addie's] confidence."

Marriage. Krysten and her husband Aaron have been married for seven years. Although they knew each other in high school, it wasn't until they were in college that they began dating. "He asked me to come with him to a party and it was Olympics themed, so he was dressed like a figure skater. Tight pants, buttoned shirt, shaved chest. And I was like, yes!" Krysten describes sitting on their beach together after the kids go to bed as one of her favorite things to do with Aaron. 

"How do you prioritize your marriage?" 

"Well, I think it's the little things. Texts. Just checking in with the other person to see how they are. And also giving each other space for ourselves. It's a balance." The one word she uses to describe their marriage? "Team."

"How do you prioritize your health?"

"I try! It's something I need to be better at. For a while, I did get motivated to do something about it but then my milk supply tanked. And so I stopped. Reluctantly. I had to feed my baby. I mean, I try to eat well and walk, but I do need to do more."

"What makes you feel beautiful?"

"Happiness." Which is pretty much a perfect response from her because Krysten is a beautiful woman whose beauty is only magnified by her generosity, kindness, and happiness. She absolutely oozes happiness.

"What is the one thing you would improve about yourself?"

"I would be more patient. Both with others and myself."

"What do you do to treat yourself?"

"A bath. A good bath. The View. I watch it every night when Aaron is putting Addie to bed. I started watching it when Addie was a baby and I still watch it every day. I feel like those women are my friends. And I love Meghan McCain. She doesn't care what anybody thinks!"

One of the people who inspire Krysten the most is her mom. "That might be cheesy." But as women, aren't we trying to lift each other up, raise our daughters to be incredible women? I'd say it's a true testament to her mom when she says that she inspires here. "She worked full-time as a professional, and has always encouraged [my brother and I] to chase our dreams and work hard. Oh, and to have fun along the way. To truly enjoy the little moments."

"What is one of your biggest dreams? Don't be shy!"

"Only one?" she said with a laugh. "I want to be managing director for my company, I'd love to have a coffee shop, and a resort. On the lake. There are no good coffee shops around here. It's time. It's needed. And I want some good coffee!"

"How do you manage the voice of doubt when it comes to those dreams?"

"Minus parenting, I don't usually have those thoughts. With parenting, I'm like, I don't know what to do. But in business, I don't usually have those thoughts. It's a matter of how am I going to do this. And with parenting, I do a lot of research. I'm a big researcher and try to figure out milestones and how to approach things. I'm just a figure-outer and have kind of squashed 'I can't do this.' I'm like, okay, I've got to figure out how to do this."

About four years ago, when Krysten was still blogging, a friend started posting on Facebook about a company called Beautycounter, and it piqued Krysten's curiosity. "I am a product junkie!" And when the opportunity came, they collaborated on the blog and Krysten was able to try her first Beautycounter product. "I fell in love with the cleansing balm. I told Aaron, I don't want to do the consulting, but this is the discount and I want to buy a bunch of cleansing balm. Run the math! But then, after a few days, I thought, 'I can do this'. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom, and Addie wasn't napping and honestly, I was just miserable as a stay-at-home mom. That makes me feel like a bad mom, but it just wasn't for me. I needed more interaction, and more goals." 

What is Beautycounter? It's a direct retail company that advocates for safer products for everyone, Beautycounter or not. There are over 1,400 ingredients that have been banned in personal care products in the EU, but in the USA, there are 30. There has been no legislation passed in the USA to regulate personal care products since 1938. Beautycounter is unique in that they have the Never List, which contains over 1,500 ingredients that they have banned from their products. They lobby for better legislation for the regulation of all personal care products. Currently, Beautycounter offers safer options for skin-care and anti-aging regimens, cosmetics, as well as body products, including a line for babies and children. "It's for the whole family."

Beautycounter team advocating for stricter regulation.

"After I decided I was going to do the consulting, I decided that I should probably look into the safer products aspect, as it seemed a big deal for the company. I started looking at the products I was using with Addie and I was like, holy crap! I thought I was doing right by what I was putting on her. But I so wasn't. And I was shocked." Krysten then went to the other women in her life: her mom, who was a nurse practitioner, and her friends, who were also moms like her, and no one was aware of any of it. "I felt like I needed to start telling people! And that's how my business started to grow." While learning about the harmful ingredients that prevail in so many products we use everyday, Krysten learned some shocking information when she took a deeper look into the products she was using. "I found there were so many that could be causing hormone disruption, and reproductive harm, among other things." Before Addie, Krysten and her husband suffered major, and repeated heartbreak with the loss of five pregnancies, "that I know of.". After extensive testing, their diagnosis was bleak. It was unexplained infertility. "It's almost better to have an actual diagnosis so we could have figured out what to do with that." The realization of the potential harm the products they used were causing "just lit this fire inside me. We suffered heartbreak so many times, and I decided, that, as a mom, I have to share this with as many people as I can." Krysten made the switch to safer products with everything in her house, from personal care, to detergents, to cleaning products. "I started hitting it hard. And then, in between Addie and Emmie, we had zero miscarriages." Krysten has no absolute proof that there is a link between her fertility and the products she is using, but it's also an idea that's hard to dismiss outright. 

Krysten's long-term goals for her role in the company are to achieve managing director, which is the highest position in the company, and to continue to grow and expand her team. "The more voices we have to share this mission, the more people we will have that will be educated." 

"One of the biggest loves and challenges I face is seeing so much potential in others to share Beautycounter!  I absolutely love seeing others take the reins of their own business. This is also the tough part, as I see so much potential in others and know that with a little grit, patience, and persistence, a consultant could take this business wherever their heart desires... and not seeing him or her go after that potential is hard!"

"If you could choose only one item from your product line, what would it be?" "Oh boy. I'm going to cheat on the cleansing balm and say the overnight resurfacing peel. Because [it] is magical!

The Purposeful Woman

I am so excited to share Girl, Dream It's first featured woman. Every month we'll share the life and stories of women from all kinds of backgrounds and lifestyles. No two women will ever be the same... remember, there are no duplicates of each of us. With that said, let me introduce you to:

Amanda is an amazing woman with an inspiring story on how to balance a family and manage her own business. She is taking control of what matters to her while chasing her dreams. She is a great kick-off for our featured woman on Girl, Dream It. When I sat down and started brainstorming women to feature (there are so many of you out there!), she was one of the first I thought of. She has drive, and passion. Her goodness runs deep and she is genuine at her very core. Amanda and her husband Bodi have been married for sixteen years. Together, they have four children: Sophie (12), Laynie (10), Will (6), and Josie (2). Originally from Arizona, Amanda moved to Lehi, UT at age 16. She and Bodi met during their college years at Snow College, were married, and transferred to Utah Valley University where she earned her degree in Business Management and Communications. After the birth of their daughter Sophie, Amanda took on the roll of stay-at-home mom, and has been raising her beautiful babies ever since. Having kids at such varying ages can be hard... so what's her motto when it comes to parenting all of them? "Just go with it! I used to be a control freak, I still am a little, but really my motto is to relax and go with the flow." As a mom, she says her biggest challenge is keeping up with all of them, "Each of them are busy in different ways and I'm always trying to juggle their different needs." 

I love asking other women how they would describe themselves. I always wonder how it matches up with how others would describe them. I'd say Amanda was pretty much on point when she described herself as bubbly, creative, a self-starter, a prepper (I looked it up- that is a word), and lastly, happy. I couldn't agree with her more! This woman has had her struggles. And I know she's had very bad days. I brought her dinner once when she was pregnant with Josie. She was so sick the entire pregnancy yet when I showed up at her door that day, I was still met with the warmest smile and her sweet laugh. Her happiness is contagious and anytime I've ever been in her presence I can't help but feel that happiness, as well. It is this trait, this unending, unyielding happiness that oozes from her that truly makes her beautiful.

This quote sums up what I think when I see Amanda. "I look over at you and see sunshine." ~ anonymous

When I asked Amanda what her five most favorite things are, she didn't hesitate a moment before blurting out "my family... my kids!" I love how much she loves her family. They are what she lives for. The remaining three favorites? 1) Josie's hair. This child has the craziest, most awesome hair. Ever. 2) Baby animals, "Only the babies. I like kittens, but don't ever want a cat." and 3) "FOOD!" She was very emphatic about that. And I'll be real with you, I love any woman who loves food! And how awesome is it that her favorite food is pizza?! Specifically Marco's Pepperoni Magnifico. "I'm kind of boring, but I will try just about anything on a pizza."

Of course I had to ask what her favorite book was and it really only took her a few seconds to ponder this as well. These is My Words, by Nancy E. Turner. I haven't even read this. I'll get on that quick and maybe it'll end up on the new page The Book Corner! Movie of choice? Pride and Prejudice. Both the BBC version and the Keira Knightley version. Seriously, a girl after my own heart. Her travel destination of choice would be a Jane Austen tour of Europe. Maybe throw in a little World War II sites. "I like WWII fiction. I love how despite everything the human spirit still manages to shine through." Like most women I know, music can play a huge role in how they feel and that is exactly how Amanda described her music preferences. "I love to sing. I burn off frustration by singing in my car, the shower or even while I clean. And when I need music for coping, it's pop. Good pop."

Like all women, we have our weaknesses... our guilty pleasures, and Amanda was not even a little ashamed of hers: reality TV, chocolate cake, and cookies. Watching someone else's drama is far better than having it in our own lives. And of course, a good dessert is always needed... regardless of the day, am I right?

"What's your first thought in the morning when you wake up?" I asked. Remember a few posts ago when I said I always love to know this? I had to ask. "What do I have to do today?" Then she does some affirmations, a little journaling and reads scriptures. I did feel a little better about myself when she said that for a long time her first thought was, "Oh man!"

Amidst a busy and bustling life, "How do you and Bodi remain close?"
"Date night!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "We try to go once a week and my older girls make great babysitters. But date night, we try to make that a priority. Even if it's just a trip to Costco. Or a movie." She couldn't emphasize enough that communication should always be the top priority in a marriage. "We like to read books, go to conferences...learn how to express ourselves. Just basic communication and put our marriage first." I can honestly say that Tim and I have never been to a conference or retreat for couples, but I've always wanted to. This just encourages me more.

"What is the number one way you prioritize your health?"
"For a long time I didn't. I didn't work out, I slept in, I ate crap. I was depressed and didn't care about [myself]. And then one day I decided I wasn't happy and I disliked how I felt, so I shifted my mindset and recognized when I needed to sleep and that I needed to workout. I needed to take care of myself to be present for my kids. I workout now because of how it makes me feel. It's not about losing weight. I just decided that I was worth it. I put everyone else's needs above my own. But it's not selfish. My needs matter and it makes me better for my family. It's not selfish." 

I love this thought: "I just decided that I was worth it."

Amanda describes her family as what she is most passionate about. "Everything I do has my family in mind. It's all about the end-game, which is to be together, always. It's about strong relationships and amazing memories and just being close."

The dreaded question at any job interview is "What's an area that you could improve yourself in?" It seemed only appropriate to ask this for a blog that's about self-improvement. I loved her honesty. "I want to learn to not be judgmental. Of myself and of others. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt." It took bravery for her to expose herself the way she did and she completely owned it! And honestly, that's a lesson that I could benefit from as well.

I've already admitted in About Me that I am a Disney girl, through and through. And I know Amanda has a soft spot for it as well, so it seemed completely necessary to ask, "Who is your favorite Disney princess?" "Belle. (insert my excitement!) I love her voice and I can sing all of her songs. She loved her dad and knew herself, and what she wanted. She is so kind and doesn't let people push her around. And she has the best dress!" Heck yeah, she does! I've lost count of how many times I've watched BATB and sang my heart out to literally every song, so really I could have crawled across the table to hug Amanda for this.

So, speaking of 'beauty', "What makes you feel beautiful?" "When I feel appreciated or when Bodi tells me he loves me. Definitely getting my hair done. A little mascara. And when my kids appreciate me." As long as I've known Amanda, which is nearly a decade now, I've known that she keeps it simple. She is anything but high-maintenance. And I've always thought she is incredibly beautiful. She comes naturally like that- beautiful and with a heart of gold.

Before we even began our conversation for this feature, we talked a little bit about why I came back to blogging after a hiatus. We discussed what my intentions for the blog are, where my motivation came from, and how I came to actually following through with it. When it was her turn to reveal her motivation, she knew right away where it comes from... challenges. "If you say I can't do it, I'll do it. I start dreaming. I have a vision board that I get excited about. Donut rewards! Do something that makes you want to get out of bed- my dreams do that. Visualize today, and ten years from now!"

After all this talk about favorite movies and Disney princesses, we shifted our conversation a little. One of the things that made me think of Amanda right away for this feature was because, in addition to being a wife and mother of four, Amanda has gone on to launch a successful business for herself. She has established herself as a consultant with the popular Rodan+Fields company, which is a premium skincare company, and the #1 skincare brand in North America. Deciding to take this on, to launch her own business, was a giant leap of faith. The very topic of my most recent post. I think it was kismet.

"My industry is about the nos and that can be discouraging. But I use my visualization board during hard times. And I believe that we didn't come to fail. We're here to do great things."

Making a decision like this isn't something you take lightly. And I applaud her bravery for taking this on, for recognizing her dreams, regardless of the nos that she gets in this business, and reaching for them anyway. So much of our conversation was a direct reflection of this blog and the message it puts out there. And the deeper we dug into Amanda's whys and hows, the more I was reaffirmed that she had been the absolute perfect candidate to start this with. The rebirth of this blog, the re-branding, all of it, has been fed to me by my higher power, and I am absolutely confident that He led me to Amanda so that she would be able to share her story.

So... what is her story?

"I've always been a stay-at-home mom. I dabbled in graphic design and taught swimming lessons every summer, but really I just felt super isolated. And I felt... I have these skills and I wasn't using them and I just kind of felt like I was drowning. I felt like I wasn't giving my kids the best version of me and something had to change. I just didn't know what it was."

The "what" came to her through another friend in the company, who repeatedly posted on social media, planting in Amanda little seeds with every post. "It was on my mind. I just kept thinking about it and thinking about it. And I thought I could give it a shot... I didn't know anything about skincare, and at the time my skin was horrible! So I thought, if I could find something for my face, and for my mind, why not put those two together? It was one of the best decisions I made for me, just because of the community of women, and over all, the company is so empowering. It encourages you to be the best version of yourself. And then to share those skills with other people. The skincare is just a bonus."

With everything we do, especially in our careers, there are challenges to overcome, and for the sake of all women, I had to ask: what's been the hardest part? "There's a stigma to a home-based business. There's a stigma to having a direct sales business, and I was afraid of what people would say and how people would react. I had to just jump in and completely disregard my fears."

Her ultimate goal? "Our business is a legacy business. I want to retire my husband. I want to give my children experiences. I want to set us up so I can give my children and my grandchildren different experiences and memories and not be stressed over it... It's on my vision board; I can see it!" 

"What are some habits that you think are most important for driving your business?" "Consistency. You have to touch it every single day. Pushing past that fear; you have to get over yourself."

 With anything we do, there have to be perks. If there aren't any, I highly suggest you walk away from whatever that situation is. Pronto. I asked Amanda, "What is your favorite perk about owning your own business?" "This job has brought me confidence, which is something I've been missing for a long time."

"If you could pick one item from your product-line, what would be your favorite one?" "The eye cream. It's called multi-function eye cream. We call it eye-crack because you can't live without it!" 

"When it comes to life in general, or running your business, what is the best advice you've ever been given?" "Just be genuine. I think I am a passionate person and a happy person and I want myself to shine through. Be genuine with your husband, be genuine with your friends, and with your business. And I think if you can do that then the other stuff will follow."

"What would be the best advice that you could give to other women?" "Put [your]selves first. And not feel guilty about it. For so many years I didn't and I was miserable. My kids were miserable, my husband was miserable. I had to work on myself and then everything started falling into place. Women put themselves last and you can't be a whole person if you don't take care of yourself."

These are wise words.

"Any last thoughts?" "I'm just excited to be a part of this. I think the platform is awesome. There's just not enough out there that promotes empowerment and self-care and positivity. I'm just glad to be a part of something that's doing that."

I feel so fortunate that Amanda took the time out of her busy schedule to sit down and do a face-to-face with me. We had so much fun doing this over lunch! And we even had a technician at my kitchen island fixing my broken cell phone while we sat at the table doing this. I'm sure he was wondering, "what the heck?!"

If you or anyone you know would be a great woman to feature, let me know through the Contact option. I'd love to keep expanding my list of amazing women!

For more info on Amanda's consulting business, click here.