Girl, You Got to Show Up

As school starts back up and I get my kids out of the house for eight hours during the day (insert equal tears and smiles from me), I get to take more time to focus on my business, on my writing. This is excellent because I'm still trying to pump out my next draft of my manuscript to make some writing deadlines with different publishers. But I also have more time for my clients. And I have time to take on more clients, or a larger load with who I already work with.

I am busy.

I had someone once tell me: "Oh, it must be so nice to work from home, to watch your kids and keep a clean house." Uh... what??? No, it's not always nice. Thankfully my kids are old enough that they can operate with a certain level of independence, but I'm still the one making the ramen, or mac & cheese. And a clean house? Forget about it. I'm working, not vacuuming. I've found it rather difficult to type on my computer while pushing the mop around. Sure, I can toss in and switch out loads of laundry, but I definitely don't have time to sit down and fold it. Not if I want to keep up with my work. And I want to keep up with my work.

For some people, the idea of a working mom is equal to running through the playground spewing cuss words. And the middle-class culture I live in doesn't always help things (and umm, it's Utah). I'm surrounded by stay-at-home moms. If I had numbers, they would be staggering. For some, that's just the life they want. It's how they want to be there for their family. For others, it's the indisputable truth that daycare is expensive. Sometimes it's just not realistic for both parents to be out of the house. In fact, taking a position working from home for the first time was greatly influenced by the lack of childcare I had to pay. The challenge being that I'm trying to work WHILE parenting. Anyone with kids knows that parenting is a full-time job, so adding another job was difficult. But I worked for two reasons, and I'm not ashamed to admit either:
1) I needed the income. The lifestyle I like requires two incomes at my house. Could I live on just my husband's income? Absolutely. Knowing the average income in the US, I know that many, many, people do live on that income or less. (I'm not saying this to elevate myself or socioeconomic status in ANY way - I'm just saying what our reality is. Plenty of peeps earn way more than us.)
2) I have to work... for myself. I did the at-home mom thing. Were there parts that I absolutely loved? Here is my very emphatic YES! But I needed more for myself. Working rewards me personally. And most of the time it makes me happy. (Sans those inevitable stressful days.)
So do I think more or less of moms who stay at home? More or less of moms who work? No way, Jose!

Parenting is tough stuff... I applaud all mothers out there. 

Stepping into the role of a small business owner changed a lot for me. Suddenly I only had myself to be accountable to. I mean, yes, I have to be accountable to my clients and the work they pay me for, but if I don't keep myself on task or working hard, those clients are going to go elsewhere.

I've told the story a million times (okay, not really, but I've told it before), but last fall I left my reliable job that I hated and went into business for myself, where business was unreliable, but my happiness was assured because I was doing what I loved. And here's what I've learned, and hopefully I can impart my wisdom on at least one of you readers... If you want something, you've got to do the work. What I wanted? To freelance write. And raise my kids. And to do both I have to hustle. Let me say that again... I have to hustle. Do things get difficult? Yes. Do I give up? No! I had to learn the hard way how to admit to myself that I was unhappy because of me, not my old job. I had to own that I was a product of my choices rather than my circumstances. Yes, things get handed to us every day that we have no control over, but it's what I do, it's the decisions I make that ultimately put me where I am.

If you want something, you have to do the work. 

If you want something, you have to do the work. It's as simple as that. I learned that if I wanted to get all my clients' social media posts ready to go (images, too), I had to step away from the Hallmark channel. I had to prioritize. Can the Hallmark movie be more fun than my work, well, sometimes, yes. But by not prioritizing my work, by not doing the work, I'm not going to get what I want. I'm not going to make it down the road to that destination I have in my mind. So I hustle. I push through. I make the ramen. I say no to Hallmark. I say yes to my work. I show up - for myself. Because that's how I'm going to make a difference - a difference in my life, in my children's lives, in my husband's life, and a difference in my future. And that's how I'm going to get the things I want, reach my goals, and see my vision come to fruition.

So if you've learned anything from my ramblings today, I hope it's this:
1) You are what you choose.
2) If you want something, you have to put in the work. You have to show up.

Girl, you already have what it takes. Don't just dream it, get it.

Go On, Be Brave

"Be brave enough to travel the unknown path, and learn what you are capable of." 

-Rachel Wolchin

What's in your heart? 

This time last year I was massively stressing out over my job. For my readers who have been in it for the long haul with me, you may recall that I was in a position and with a company that was literally sucking the life out of me. Maybe you're thinking that I sound rather feeble when I say that... and incredibly pessimistic, maybe even a little dramatic (or a lot). I mean, life is what you make it, right? I wasn't making the best of anything. I was repeatedly going back to someone (in this case, my job) that didn't value me or the hard work I did for them. Then I had a real slap-in-the-face awakening that told me that yes, the job sucked, but it was ultimately me who was making myself so miserable. I set the bar low for how I should be treated, and therefore, I was treated based on where I set that bar.

It was time to do something about it. It was time to make a change.

Writing is my passion, it sets my soul on fire. But even after two published novels, I still only described my writing as a hobby. I was making my passion, my skill, my accomplishments small. I was both afraid to have a big dream and to have that dream judged.

Enter: slap-in-the-face in the form of the book Girl, Wash Your Face. (I would like to say here that I truly loved this book and didn't just drink the Kool-Aid. I didn't, however, feel this way about Rachel Hollis's second book Girl, Stop Apologizing... but that's for a different day.)

It challenged my mindset. Why didn't I define myself as a writer? Why did I downplay my talent? Why couldn't I dream the big dream? Why did it matter what other people thought?

Then I had an idea... an epiphany, really... I was going to take control of my professional life. Goodbye life-sucking job. I was going to become a freelance writer. But how was I really going to do that? I have my published novels, which have done very well in a marginal audience, but those weren't about to cover my house payment. I needed more.

I was certain that this change of mindset was going to instantly change my life. I was so fired up. So, I started looking into writing jobs and contracts. I applied for so many. And although I often came in high in the running for many, ultimately I didn't book any of them. Gut punch.

I tried to remain steadfast in my excitement, but after three months I began losing steam. I mean, hadn't I decided to finally embrace the talent my God bestowed upon me? Hadn't I decided to fan the flame that burned deep inside? Surely that should've meant that things should've been happening for me. I absolutely needed to leave my job. But I was terrified to do that with nothing in place as a backup. Then I realized a very important thing: sure, I had decided to own my writing, letting writer be the definition of who I was and what I did, and I was finally putting myself out there, but only to people who were mere names, not faces. I didn't know any of them. I was applying for writing jobs on a national level. And writing can be done from anywhere, which means I was competing with other writers on a national level. I liken it to this - Hollywood is where you go if you want to be a celebrity actor and every talented wanna-be flocks there. In Hollywood, talented actors are a dime a dozen. In my case, talented writers applying for these writing jobs were also a dime a dozen. It was time to rethink my audience. This was my moment of truth... how brave was I really? I had to put myself out there for my existing network. A friend keenly and aptly pointed out that many people in my network knew I was a writer, what they didn't know is that I could be a writer for them. It was time to let go of my initial vision of what things had to look like for me to be a freelance writer and embrace something different. I had to stop forcing the dream and instead, let it take form on its own. And that's when things changed. It was through my network, the people I already knew, that my first writing contracts started coming in. And slowly word began to travel, my network began to grow, and so did my client list.

"You're going to be happy," said life. "But first I'm going to make you strong." - unknown

I walked away from that job that was so terrible for me. I walked away when I only had one writing job to fill its place. One. I didn't know if that made me irresponsible and insane, or brave and faithful. But I did it. And it wasn't until I let go of what was holding me back that I was finally able to move forward. 

Why do I tell this story? For two reasons: 1) to encourage you to not make yourself small - you matter, and 2) it's okay to start small - the key is to start. Everest wasn't climbed in a day, and no one starts in the middle, they all begin from the bottom and work hard, one step at a time, as they head for that summit.

So again, I ask you, what's in your heart? Do you not pursue your dream because you think it's folly? Does your dream scare you? Here's the deal - if it's in your heart, it's there for a reason; it isn't folly. And it absolutely should scare you. If it doesn't, it's not big enough. Everyone's dreams look different, so let go of the idea that yours has to look like someone else's to have any merit. Own everything about yourself that makes you you. Separate yourself from the masses and let your dream take true form, let it lead your way. Know that when you start out you will likely suck - even if you're pursuing that calling inside - and be okay with that. That's how we learn. When you're true to and honest with yourself, when you work hard, chipping away one step at a time, letting each bend or curve in the path be a lesson and an opportunity for growth, well, that's when you will find your way.

Go on... be brave.

Hello 2019

Welcome 2019... a year of greatness... 365 opportunities to do something big, to do something small... to be happy. I have to say, I rang in my new year firing on all cylinders, with fire and excitement burning through my veins. Started a book... and I'm feeling gooooood about this. I start stories all the times (I don't usually call them a book until I get to a certain point and have a complete vision), but so often they just flop. Which is fine. Not everything is meant to make its way into the world, and the little lives and settings and stories I think up in my head keep me entertained, and well, there's something to be said for that.

Yes, I always have a story in my head. Sometimes I imagine the same scene with the same characters, and even the same dialogue, a hundred times. Sometimes a dozen ideas fill my brain all at once. But believe me when I tell you there's always a story up there. I truly have voices in my head, haha.

I recently had a conversation with a budding writer... a sweet as ever young girl who shares a passion for writing stories that consume her brain, too. She struggles with her confidence and frequently gives up on her ideas. Which is sad. But like I said, not everything is made to be published. My advice to her was simple (and you can take it, too, if you've ever thought of writing something). Observation. As a writer, one of our biggest advantages is to observe and research. If I only wrote what I knew personally, none of my characters would differ from each other and have their own personalities, vocabularies, likes and dislikes, none of the plots would be all that exciting, as nothing overly "WOW" has really ever happened to me. Reading different kinds of genres all across the board is a great way to start. Although I write all my work with a specific audience in mind, I still strive to bring diversity into my stories. Homogeny is so boring. So I read. And I watch TV... again, with all kinds of genres and themes: Criminal Minds and SWAT for both pro/antagonist perspectives as well as cunning plot lines and twists. I watch family parodies and talent shows, and even sappy love stories. I don't, however, watch horror. They scare the pants off of me. I read historical fiction, middle eastern fiction and nonfiction, I read religious work, fantasy, biographies, self-help, young adult, mystery, and thrillers and yes, sappy love stories. And I love British literature. There's just something about that dry, ironic humor that I just die over. Again though, no horror. Steven King would keep me up for days. I'm also not a Fifty Shades girl... let's not even get me started on critique. And for the record, I did start the first book and had so many issues with it that I couldn't finish. I digress.

I told my young, budding writer to go sit in a coffee shop and simply observe and study the nuances of people. Note clothing styles and the sounds of laughter. Do people hunch over the table or sit completely erect as they converse? Are they alone or in a group? How do different genders interact with each other? Does someone have an accent? Do they show manners for complete strangers? What do they drink? Do they sit hidden in the corner or right in the middle of the shop? Bet you never thought you could get all that information from a coffee shop. That's what's so fun about always being in a state of constant observation, everything can be a detail that can be injected into a story. And it's often the tiniest details that complete a picture, bringing a scene to life and making is visceral for the reader.

What I'm working on now is so completely different than anything I've ever done before. And if I can pull it off, I am certain it will be some of my best work. I have created the entire world it is set in from scratch. I'm writing from multiple perspectives and am trying to blur my characters between good and bad in ways I've never quite done before. I'm not even sure where this story was born from inside me. But it is coming out... it is oozing out, and I can't get enough of it. And sadly my fingers just can't type as fast as my mind moves. Which can be frustrating. I really can't wait until it gets to a point when I can share the actual storyline with you all... but right now it's my little secret. Although I will tell you this... I have fully committed to this story. I will finish this. My ending is already written. And when I do complete it I will be over the moon excited to share it with all of you. Until then... follow my word count on the side of the main page.

Finding My Voice

When I revived this old and dusty blog all those months ago, I honestly didn't think anyone would read it. Let alone be inspired by it. It started out with my ramblings... how I wanted to change and improve my life. How I had decided I was finally going to go after those big and crazy and wild dreams of mine. But Girl, Dream It has evolved into something I had never imagined. And I love hearing from so many of you about how it has motivated and inspired you.

Through this journey, what I realized about myself was that I was finding my voice again. For years I was working jobs where I just put my head down and did what was asked of me. No one wanted to hear what I had to say. And the longer I went on like that, the quieter my voice became. But now, through lots of hard work, personal challenges and personal growth, I am pushing myself and coming into my own- finding who I really am. Finding that voice again.

I had plenty of voice when it came to others. I'm all about defending the underdog. I have worked hard over the years to fight for others, especially my son. I fought fearlessly for that boy, to get him the help that he has needed academically because of his Dyslexia. But when it came to fighting for myself? I was silent. I can't pinpoint when the change began to take place, and I'm not even sure what sparked it. But one day, enough was enough. And I started picking up books, and reading about self-help, and self-love. And every book pushed me to the next one and suddenly I felt that fire in me begin to grow, begin to strengthen, begin to burn with conviction. I had something to say. I was finding my voice, and in doing so I was finding myself, and finding myself gave me a vision of what I want and where I want to go. My dreams are unfolding in exciting ways, and giving me opportunities I never had before. And I am working on my third novel, which excites me daily.

The founders of & coordinators of Heart-Working- these two are my people.

I tell women not to make themselves small. I tell myself not to make myself small. I tell myself to be proud of my passions, to not shy away from what I want. To own my dreams. It's definitely easier said than done. I have grown so accustomed to the white noise that had for so long drowned that voice... the noise that told me I wasn't good enough, that my dreams were crazy, that I was safer in those jobs that silenced my voice because there was certainty and stability in them. But my voice matters, and the more I learn about myself and the more I feed my passions, the louder I roar. I can do this. I will do this.

Last night, I stood up in front of a room of 90 women to encourage them not to be small. To be proud of their stories, their achievements, and their dreams. To tell them that they are enough.

I'll be honest, I was scared to get up there. I haven't spoken in front of a crowd in ten years. And never to one that large. It was a room filled with the best of the best. Women that do humanitarian work in countries like Kenya and Haiti, women who are high performing sales managers, women who have built thriving businesses in direct sales, women who are life coaches and professional coaches. There were women earning incomes on the side to give their families fun money, and there were women making well into the six-figures. It was a room filled with power. It was diversity at its best. And they asked me to stand up in front of them and share Girl, Dream It. I was both honored and humbled. Every day I am learning more and more about how far my reach goes, about the voices I have encouraged in other women. If all I did was touch one person then my journey of self-awareness, self-love, and bravery to speak up has all been worth it. So thank you to all of you who have believed in me from the start, and to all of you who have listened to my voice and still come back for more.

"I am woman, hear me roar!" Helen Reddy

You Are The Dreamer

You are the dreamer of your dreams.

That sentence has been hanging on my heart lately. So much so that I feel compelled to write an entire post about it and share it with you! I know my dreams are wild, and crazy, and BIG! And you know what? I love that! They motivate me and excite me! Yes, I still hear the voice of doubt creeping into my thoughts, but when I do, I take a deep breath and swallow that fear. Changing your thoughts about your abilities to make something happen is the first step to actually taking a step in the direction of our dreams. It's our fear of the uncertainty that holds us back. We've got it in us to make whatever dreams we have a reality. Let me repeat... we already have within us what it takes to bring those dreams to fruition. But so often, we let those voices of fear, disappointment, and failure steer the direction we go in. Let go of the negativity. 

Sit down and make a list of all of the negative thoughts you can think of... here are some of mine:

1) I don't like my body

2) I'm not a good writer

3) I am broken

4) My dreams are too crazy

Those a pretty depressing... and I'm sure not many people's negative thoughts look much prettier. 

Now that I have a list (my list, for the record, is much longer), write a counter-thought for every single one of those thoughts. 

1) This body is strong and has endured a lot!

2) I have published books and a blog, all of which have loyal fans and followers!

3) I am uniquely made - the only version of me that was ever and will ever be created!

4) God/Universe gave me those specific dreams that are in my heart for a reason!

With number 4... I think we all have had that thought at one point or another. The key is to remind ourselves that no one dreams our dreams the way we do. No one can make those dreams a reality like we can. Use your counter-thoughts every day... every time you hear those negative thoughts come creeping in. Hang onto your counter-thoughts until the bad ones begin to dissipate. Until your bad thoughts no longer make you small. Until the good thoughts are habitual to you. And be brave. Believe in yourself and your abilities. Have faith that you are enough. I am telling you right now... You. Are. Enough.

Dream Bigger Than Yourself

Do you have an idea, a dream, that is bigger than you? I sincerely hope so. Having big dreams is a great motivation to get out of bed every day. It's a great motivation to get out into the world. But are you ever afraid of that dream? Afraid it's too big? Afraid you're not worthy of something that great? Afraid of what others would think of it?

Oh, girl, I am right there with you. But you know what, that dream, that little voice inside of you telling you what you really want, that's your voice. The voice was put there by the all greater universe. And only you have that voice. For so many things in our lives, we, women, play it small. We undermine and devalue what our hearts want. We're afraid to be judged. But here's the truth... you are important. You matter. You have a place. Dreaming big is hard, I get it. But personally, I think that not having big dreams is even harder. 

I often waiver between being terrified that my dreams are too crazy, and wild, and unattainable (what makes me special enough for that great BIG dream?) and wanting more, desperately ready to take off like a rocket after what I want. Do you waiver like that?

But I'm at a point in my life where my fears of not going after what I want are greater than my fears of staying small. I don't care how crazy people think I am. I don't care how many nos I get on my way. By damn, I am going to do this. I will, in one way or another, make this happen.

"It was about no longer being the kind of person who takes what she can get, and finally becoming the kind of person who creates exactly what she wants."

Jen Sincero

I took a four year hiatus from my writing. My last novel was released in late summer of 2014. And then I stopped. Okay, I didn't completely stop. I did occasionally write things that came to mind. But forty, fifty, sixty pages later I tanked those pages all together. Every time. Then I got to the point where I thought, maybe I'm not really a writer, because... HELLO! I'm not writing. Then the other night I had a realization about this. I went to the anticipated encore of Made For More by Rachel Hollis. I've already established my girl crush on her. But she said something that really resonated with me. We all have seasons that we go through. And sometimes those times in our lives demand all our attention and focus. It doesn't mean those things in our heart matter any less to us, but rather that there are other things that need us in those moments. When I look back at the whole picture of my life in the last four years I see two huge events that monopolized all of me, both physically and emotionally. First, I had a medical diagnosis in October of 2014. It rocked my world and created a major upheaval in my life. And I had to give it everything I had. I still have to. And then there is my son. It was shortly after that book release, that his problems with his (at that time, un-diagnosed) Dyslexia emerged, going strong. Getting the help he needed- both with psychologists and the school became a full-on war that I had to fight. It took everything in me. Every ounce of determination I had was poured into what I could do to help my son. I read, and studied, and picked apart EVERYTHING that I could. I learned about what Dyslexia was (I had a very narrow, naive understanding of it), I learned what kind of doctors he needed, the testing he needed, what his rights where, what resources we had... you name it... I learned it. And it took battle after battle, but I got that boy the IEP at school that he needed. I'm entirely certain there are people at his school that think I was an absolute pain in the ass, but you know what? I. Don't. Care. And you know what else? I got what I needed. 

Now it's a new season in my life. And I get to go back to pouring my heart and soul onto the pages I write. Whether it be this blog, professional freelance work I do, or my manuscript I'm working on, I am back to writing. Because I have been a writer all along.

Hello great BIG dream.... I'm coming for you!    

Live Your Purpose

I am about to head out of town for a few days, again. So I thought I would get a post in before I step away for a bit.

When driving through L.A. last week, just cruising down the 60, there was a billboard that we passed and the words just resonated with me:

Live your purpose.

So often we sit in our comfort zone and simply live day-to-day as we float through life. It's called our comfort zone for a reason, right? It's comfortable. But we never grow when we stay in that comfort zone. Change happens when we make a change. So many of us have dreams that live deep inside us, dreams that we never pursue because we believe we're not good enough, or because we think those dreams are wild or crazy, or that we'll never succeed. Those voices of doubt have been woven into us over the years and we believe them to be truth. But think back to your childhood, before any of that doubt lived inside of us. What did you want to be? In your head, at that time, we listened to that small voice inside of us and we actually believed we could be those things. And then we grow up and tell ourselves those dreams were folly... because reality has set in. But reality and truth are subjective. We view our version of truth through those lenses that have been put in front of us, lenses established by family beliefs and values, our gender, our race, our socioeconomic status, our religion, our nationality, our sexuality, our education, the media we consume, and the society in which we live. When we sit quietly and reflect, we can discover those lenses, and challenge ourselves to remove them, to approach something in a completely different manner. We can let go of the reasons we tell ourselves we cannot do something, that we cannot follow our dreams.

Sitting in my most recent therapy session, I had this realization that I am a product of a lack of confidence. Rarely do I ever stand up for myself, rarely do I assert myself for myself. I doubt my skills as a writer and therefore settle for things that are mundane, and boring because I think that's the best I can do. But I don't want this in my life. I don't want to cower and hide. I want to stand tall, and firm and declare that I am worthy. That my dreams and wants matter. That I matter. My biggest fear is evolving, from I can't do that to I didn't give it my all. If I want to take the leap, I must commit to myself and to my dream. I have to give it my all. There is not trying. I can't dabble in it, I must immerse myself in it. I must soak it all in and let it shape me into the person that I want to be. I want to have an active role in my life rather than to just be a bystander in it.

It's in times like these, where I am wandering in the darkness in search of the light... in search of my dreams that I must rely most on my faith. My faith is in Christ. Relying on my faith is a constant struggle for me as I want to take everything into my own hands, into my own control, to make it happen for myself. But then I remind myself that He is stronger than me. And it is His will that will lead the way and make possible the dreams he put inside of me. He will reveal my moment in His time.

"Blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord." Luke 1:45

I repeat this verse over and over every day. And over and over again when my doubt begins to creep in.

I need to let go of the fear. I need to live my purpose.

Live the Life You Love

Leaps of faith are scary things. They are a jump into the unknown... into the darkness. And even after we jump, it's still a scary place as we try to figure out if we're flying, or falling. We're searching for our next landing spot. So how, if the unknown is, in fact, unknown, do we find the courage to actually make that leap?

Faith.

Faith is the belief that when you step outside your comfort zone, that you will, in deed, make it. It's a certainty of things we cannot see. When we want something, specifically that dream that is lit inside our soul, we have to have faith in the unseen. For me, it's my belief in God that helps me have faith in my dream because I know He is the one who put that dream inside of me. That no matter the difficulty I encounter while on the road to making those dreams my reality, I will make it, because that is what I am made to do.

Do what you were made to do. Trying to be someone else, or follow someone else's dreams, or even others' expectations of you is a waste of who you were meant to be. We create a false identity of ourselves when we live within the constraints that the beliefs and values we learned growing up, from family, peers, media, our culture, have taught us. When did we stop wanting to be pro basketball players and princesses when we grow up? Those dreams were squashed by reality. But reality is relative. Its truth lies only in our perspective. Now, there may not be a high demand for princesses, but you can be the princess of your own life. You can be the queen of your own life. Rule. First, we have to believe in ourselves. And then we have to believe in our dreams. Not matter what they are. Believe they are attainable because our high power put them inside of us. Silence the doubt and negativity around us. That come from people who live within the restrictions of their version of truth.

"You are the victim of the rules you live by."

Jenny Holzer

Break the rules. Listen to what is in your heart, and have faith in that voice. Trust your higher power, close your eyes, and jump already!

Girl, Own It: be intentional with your dreams

Do you ever think to yourself, whether it be while drinking your morning coffee, sitting at your desk at work, watching the latest episode of your fave TV show, that you want something more? That you are capable of more? So often, we live our lives as bystanders, thinking we are where we are because of circumstance - what life has brought to us. But we are exactly where we've put ourselves. It's decision that paves our way, not circumstance. How we respond to things, the choices we make are what have brought us to where we are. We change our position when we open our eyes and take a hard look around. We need to change our perspective if we're going to see something different (and that is freaking hard), but that is how we break apart the things that limit us and allow us to make changes. Nothing changes if nothing changes. To get the things we want, to make our dreams our realities, we need to be intentional with our lives; we need to live it on purpose.

Own your dreams. Don't shy away from that little voice that says you can do more. Everyone... everyone... possesses a special gift that is specific to you. Sure, it may be similar to someone else's, but only you will bring to fruition that dream, in only the way that you can. We need to stop living under our own shadows, step out into the light and take ownership of our dreams. Take control. Don't let other people's opinions of your dreams shape what they look like. Those are yours... no one else's. They don't get a say.

But this is harder said than done. We live in a world where our beliefs have been shaped by experience, which is shaped by perspective.

"Everything is just other people's perception of reality, and that is none of your business."

Jen Sincero

We have to fight for our dreams. And the first step to doing that is to own them. Identify what they are and respect the calling they have for you. Whether you believe in God, the Supreme Goddess, the Almighty Universe, the Light, Most High... whatever it is... it made you with the purpose of great things. Embrace them, and trust in them, and have faith that you were meant to make an impact. 

"If you base your self-worth on what everyone else thinks of you, you hand all your power over to other people..."

Jen Sincero

Dream big. Have wild dreams. Dreams that make others turn and cock their heads. Take a look around you. Everything you see was dreamt up by someone and their wild, hair-brained idea: the light bulb, the television, your cell phone. I mean, what was wrong with candles? What do you mean a giant screen with people moving across it - how would that even work? Something you can hold in your hand and talk to anyone around the world from? These were wild visions. They were wild dreams. But someone had each of them. They put aside other people's opinions, not taking stock in their doubt. They found a way to be sure of themselves, what the were capable of, and what they had to offer. Find an affirmation that inspires you and repeat it daily. I'm always posting affirmations on this blog, not to be cheesy, but to fine something that resonates with you.

Make the leap, take action. Failure will not kill your dreams, inaction will. Simply thinking about your dreams will not make them happen. We need to find courage and be brave enough to take the leap into the unknown. And know that our dreams do not become reality over night. They take time. We've got to put in the work. 

"Many of us approach our dreams with the same buying-on-credit philosophy that we use to buy our stuff. We want to find a way to get them without having to pay for them upfront."  

Rory Vaden

Don't be idle. Have a whole lot of audacity. Free yourself from the drama of other people. Trust in yourself and trust in your higher power. Give a giant, confident YES to adventure. Say yes to your dreams. 

The Calling vs. A Dream: which is it?

Is there a difference between a calling and a dream? The short answer: yes.

Although I didn't know it at the time, I was called to move to Utah. Was it a dream of mine to live in Salt Lake City? Definitely, no. It was far away from everything I'd ever known, and my family, and my friends. I got here and quickly discovered that I am a minority. Which was also new to me. I struggled to find my place and I feared I had made a mistake; maybe Utah wasn't where we were really meant to be. It definitely wasn't easy, none of it. But after meeting some sour apples, we found a house and met some good people, and those led to other good people. Before I could even realize it had happened, we had built a new home and had made a new family. It wasn't until many years later, when Tim and I entertained leaving Utah, that I realized I had been called here all those years ago, and that we were meant to be exactly where we were.

I have so many dreams in my head, big dreams. But I've also had dreams that have floundered and fallen to pieces. When I was a kid I wanted to be a singer. My siblings and I would put on elaborate concerts of our favorite songs and perform to the most supportive audience: our family. I would even memorize my favorite pop songs and record myself on the camcorder lip-syncing along to them, and then would play them back, watching as it sounded like I was really belting out those magnificent tunes. The reality - I would have had to stick to the lip-syncing because I am completely tone-deaf. That dream would never come to fruition for me.

Sometimes, though, our callings can be our dreams. I dreamed of becoming a mother and it was my calling to have both of my babies. I dreamed of marrying Tim, and it was also my calling to do just that. I knew pretty much from the moment I met him that I was in love. It was a kind of love that only a 14 year old girl could have for the "older" boy, but over the last 18 years it has changed and matured and grown into the beautiful story that only our hearts can tell.

What is amazing is when our callings and our dreams become congruent. There is true power when our calling, something that cries out specifically for us, a need that only we can fulfill, meets our dreams, the deepest, most inner wants of our hearts, of our souls. The pairing of these two elements creates our divine destiny.

That divine destiny is the ultimate powerhouse and it begs to be answered. It is that inextinguishable burning deep inside, the insatiable thirst, those words that play on repeat over and over again. When your calling and dreams collide, magical things can happen, and those are the moments for us to rise up, to be brave and courageous, and take a step into the unknown to chase that divine destiny. You have to put in the work, that divine destiny will never come to fruition if we don't work toward it. Make the commitment. The journey might be tough. It might be hard as ever, the hardest you've ever gone through, but push through the anguish and struggle. Have faith. Faith that this is exactly where you are meant to be. Faith in the knowledge that when you meet a closed door along the way, you already have the key. Be steadfast and do not waiver.

Where we find that faith, that strength that pushes us to carry on, is different for everyone. Christ is where I summon my strength to persevere and chase after that destiny. It is my faith in Him that fortifies my soul for the journey and when things get difficult, like I know they will, I look up. He is the One who put the tools in my hands and that fire in my heart, and when I hold onto the faith that I am where He wants me to be, I am at peace. He knows the way, He is almighty. He will guide me through the uncertain darkness, and His strength will sustain me when I am weak. His whisper in my heart will be my shield when Satan's lies rise up to make me doubt myself and His purpose for me.

I challenge you, beautiful, wonderful you... do you know what you are being called to? Silence the noise around you and listen...not to reply, but to understand; it will present itself when you're ready. Do you know what your dreams are? Those thoughts that play on repeat, over and over... be brave, my friend. You are never alone. Scary as it may be, the beginning starts with a single step.

"..at some point your heart [begins] to beat with a different rhythm, and now here you are, ready to take the first brave step." 

Annie F. Downs
100 Days to Brave

The Purposeful Woman

I am so excited to share Girl, Dream It's first featured woman. Every month we'll share the life and stories of women from all kinds of backgrounds and lifestyles. No two women will ever be the same... remember, there are no duplicates of each of us. With that said, let me introduce you to:

Amanda is an amazing woman with an inspiring story on how to balance a family and manage her own business. She is taking control of what matters to her while chasing her dreams. She is a great kick-off for our featured woman on Girl, Dream It. When I sat down and started brainstorming women to feature (there are so many of you out there!), she was one of the first I thought of. She has drive, and passion. Her goodness runs deep and she is genuine at her very core. Amanda and her husband Bodi have been married for sixteen years. Together, they have four children: Sophie (12), Laynie (10), Will (6), and Josie (2). Originally from Arizona, Amanda moved to Lehi, UT at age 16. She and Bodi met during their college years at Snow College, were married, and transferred to Utah Valley University where she earned her degree in Business Management and Communications. After the birth of their daughter Sophie, Amanda took on the roll of stay-at-home mom, and has been raising her beautiful babies ever since. Having kids at such varying ages can be hard... so what's her motto when it comes to parenting all of them? "Just go with it! I used to be a control freak, I still am a little, but really my motto is to relax and go with the flow." As a mom, she says her biggest challenge is keeping up with all of them, "Each of them are busy in different ways and I'm always trying to juggle their different needs." 

I love asking other women how they would describe themselves. I always wonder how it matches up with how others would describe them. I'd say Amanda was pretty much on point when she described herself as bubbly, creative, a self-starter, a prepper (I looked it up- that is a word), and lastly, happy. I couldn't agree with her more! This woman has had her struggles. And I know she's had very bad days. I brought her dinner once when she was pregnant with Josie. She was so sick the entire pregnancy yet when I showed up at her door that day, I was still met with the warmest smile and her sweet laugh. Her happiness is contagious and anytime I've ever been in her presence I can't help but feel that happiness, as well. It is this trait, this unending, unyielding happiness that oozes from her that truly makes her beautiful.

This quote sums up what I think when I see Amanda. "I look over at you and see sunshine." ~ anonymous

When I asked Amanda what her five most favorite things are, she didn't hesitate a moment before blurting out "my family... my kids!" I love how much she loves her family. They are what she lives for. The remaining three favorites? 1) Josie's hair. This child has the craziest, most awesome hair. Ever. 2) Baby animals, "Only the babies. I like kittens, but don't ever want a cat." and 3) "FOOD!" She was very emphatic about that. And I'll be real with you, I love any woman who loves food! And how awesome is it that her favorite food is pizza?! Specifically Marco's Pepperoni Magnifico. "I'm kind of boring, but I will try just about anything on a pizza."

Of course I had to ask what her favorite book was and it really only took her a few seconds to ponder this as well. These is My Words, by Nancy E. Turner. I haven't even read this. I'll get on that quick and maybe it'll end up on the new page The Book Corner! Movie of choice? Pride and Prejudice. Both the BBC version and the Keira Knightley version. Seriously, a girl after my own heart. Her travel destination of choice would be a Jane Austen tour of Europe. Maybe throw in a little World War II sites. "I like WWII fiction. I love how despite everything the human spirit still manages to shine through." Like most women I know, music can play a huge role in how they feel and that is exactly how Amanda described her music preferences. "I love to sing. I burn off frustration by singing in my car, the shower or even while I clean. And when I need music for coping, it's pop. Good pop."

Like all women, we have our weaknesses... our guilty pleasures, and Amanda was not even a little ashamed of hers: reality TV, chocolate cake, and cookies. Watching someone else's drama is far better than having it in our own lives. And of course, a good dessert is always needed... regardless of the day, am I right?

"What's your first thought in the morning when you wake up?" I asked. Remember a few posts ago when I said I always love to know this? I had to ask. "What do I have to do today?" Then she does some affirmations, a little journaling and reads scriptures. I did feel a little better about myself when she said that for a long time her first thought was, "Oh man!"

Amidst a busy and bustling life, "How do you and Bodi remain close?"
"Date night!" she exclaimed with a laugh. "We try to go once a week and my older girls make great babysitters. But date night, we try to make that a priority. Even if it's just a trip to Costco. Or a movie." She couldn't emphasize enough that communication should always be the top priority in a marriage. "We like to read books, go to conferences...learn how to express ourselves. Just basic communication and put our marriage first." I can honestly say that Tim and I have never been to a conference or retreat for couples, but I've always wanted to. This just encourages me more.

"What is the number one way you prioritize your health?"
"For a long time I didn't. I didn't work out, I slept in, I ate crap. I was depressed and didn't care about [myself]. And then one day I decided I wasn't happy and I disliked how I felt, so I shifted my mindset and recognized when I needed to sleep and that I needed to workout. I needed to take care of myself to be present for my kids. I workout now because of how it makes me feel. It's not about losing weight. I just decided that I was worth it. I put everyone else's needs above my own. But it's not selfish. My needs matter and it makes me better for my family. It's not selfish." 

I love this thought: "I just decided that I was worth it."

Amanda describes her family as what she is most passionate about. "Everything I do has my family in mind. It's all about the end-game, which is to be together, always. It's about strong relationships and amazing memories and just being close."

The dreaded question at any job interview is "What's an area that you could improve yourself in?" It seemed only appropriate to ask this for a blog that's about self-improvement. I loved her honesty. "I want to learn to not be judgmental. Of myself and of others. I want to give people the benefit of the doubt." It took bravery for her to expose herself the way she did and she completely owned it! And honestly, that's a lesson that I could benefit from as well.

I've already admitted in About Me that I am a Disney girl, through and through. And I know Amanda has a soft spot for it as well, so it seemed completely necessary to ask, "Who is your favorite Disney princess?" "Belle. (insert my excitement!) I love her voice and I can sing all of her songs. She loved her dad and knew herself, and what she wanted. She is so kind and doesn't let people push her around. And she has the best dress!" Heck yeah, she does! I've lost count of how many times I've watched BATB and sang my heart out to literally every song, so really I could have crawled across the table to hug Amanda for this.

So, speaking of 'beauty', "What makes you feel beautiful?" "When I feel appreciated or when Bodi tells me he loves me. Definitely getting my hair done. A little mascara. And when my kids appreciate me." As long as I've known Amanda, which is nearly a decade now, I've known that she keeps it simple. She is anything but high-maintenance. And I've always thought she is incredibly beautiful. She comes naturally like that- beautiful and with a heart of gold.

Before we even began our conversation for this feature, we talked a little bit about why I came back to blogging after a hiatus. We discussed what my intentions for the blog are, where my motivation came from, and how I came to actually following through with it. When it was her turn to reveal her motivation, she knew right away where it comes from... challenges. "If you say I can't do it, I'll do it. I start dreaming. I have a vision board that I get excited about. Donut rewards! Do something that makes you want to get out of bed- my dreams do that. Visualize today, and ten years from now!"

After all this talk about favorite movies and Disney princesses, we shifted our conversation a little. One of the things that made me think of Amanda right away for this feature was because, in addition to being a wife and mother of four, Amanda has gone on to launch a successful business for herself. She has established herself as a consultant with the popular Rodan+Fields company, which is a premium skincare company, and the #1 skincare brand in North America. Deciding to take this on, to launch her own business, was a giant leap of faith. The very topic of my most recent post. I think it was kismet.

"My industry is about the nos and that can be discouraging. But I use my visualization board during hard times. And I believe that we didn't come to fail. We're here to do great things."

Making a decision like this isn't something you take lightly. And I applaud her bravery for taking this on, for recognizing her dreams, regardless of the nos that she gets in this business, and reaching for them anyway. So much of our conversation was a direct reflection of this blog and the message it puts out there. And the deeper we dug into Amanda's whys and hows, the more I was reaffirmed that she had been the absolute perfect candidate to start this with. The rebirth of this blog, the re-branding, all of it, has been fed to me by my higher power, and I am absolutely confident that He led me to Amanda so that she would be able to share her story.

So... what is her story?

"I've always been a stay-at-home mom. I dabbled in graphic design and taught swimming lessons every summer, but really I just felt super isolated. And I felt... I have these skills and I wasn't using them and I just kind of felt like I was drowning. I felt like I wasn't giving my kids the best version of me and something had to change. I just didn't know what it was."

The "what" came to her through another friend in the company, who repeatedly posted on social media, planting in Amanda little seeds with every post. "It was on my mind. I just kept thinking about it and thinking about it. And I thought I could give it a shot... I didn't know anything about skincare, and at the time my skin was horrible! So I thought, if I could find something for my face, and for my mind, why not put those two together? It was one of the best decisions I made for me, just because of the community of women, and over all, the company is so empowering. It encourages you to be the best version of yourself. And then to share those skills with other people. The skincare is just a bonus."

With everything we do, especially in our careers, there are challenges to overcome, and for the sake of all women, I had to ask: what's been the hardest part? "There's a stigma to a home-based business. There's a stigma to having a direct sales business, and I was afraid of what people would say and how people would react. I had to just jump in and completely disregard my fears."

Her ultimate goal? "Our business is a legacy business. I want to retire my husband. I want to give my children experiences. I want to set us up so I can give my children and my grandchildren different experiences and memories and not be stressed over it... It's on my vision board; I can see it!" 

"What are some habits that you think are most important for driving your business?" "Consistency. You have to touch it every single day. Pushing past that fear; you have to get over yourself."

 With anything we do, there have to be perks. If there aren't any, I highly suggest you walk away from whatever that situation is. Pronto. I asked Amanda, "What is your favorite perk about owning your own business?" "This job has brought me confidence, which is something I've been missing for a long time."

"If you could pick one item from your product-line, what would be your favorite one?" "The eye cream. It's called multi-function eye cream. We call it eye-crack because you can't live without it!" 

"When it comes to life in general, or running your business, what is the best advice you've ever been given?" "Just be genuine. I think I am a passionate person and a happy person and I want myself to shine through. Be genuine with your husband, be genuine with your friends, and with your business. And I think if you can do that then the other stuff will follow."

"What would be the best advice that you could give to other women?" "Put [your]selves first. And not feel guilty about it. For so many years I didn't and I was miserable. My kids were miserable, my husband was miserable. I had to work on myself and then everything started falling into place. Women put themselves last and you can't be a whole person if you don't take care of yourself."

These are wise words.

"Any last thoughts?" "I'm just excited to be a part of this. I think the platform is awesome. There's just not enough out there that promotes empowerment and self-care and positivity. I'm just glad to be a part of something that's doing that."

I feel so fortunate that Amanda took the time out of her busy schedule to sit down and do a face-to-face with me. We had so much fun doing this over lunch! And we even had a technician at my kitchen island fixing my broken cell phone while we sat at the table doing this. I'm sure he was wondering, "what the heck?!"

If you or anyone you know would be a great woman to feature, let me know through the Contact option. I'd love to keep expanding my list of amazing women!

For more info on Amanda's consulting business, click here.

For the Sake of Your Dreams, Be Brave

A few posts ago I talked about how we were all created for something uniquely wonderful that is specific to us; it is a divine destiny that God, Himself, designed us for. Something no one else in the world has been created for. There are no copies out there... we are the only version of ourselves. The trouble is that sometimes it's hard to know what that divine calling is, and even if we do know what that fireball is that has been ignited within us, are we brave enough to pursue it?

Sometimes our callings present themselves loudly and boldly in our lives. Maybe literal signs. And there is no mistaking what is being asked of us or which way we should move next. This isn't to say we will always agree with our calling or that it will be simple. "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you that it's going to be worth it." ~Art Williams.  Sometimes our calling is a small whisper that can only be heard in our hearts when we silence the white noise around us and listen. Listen being the key word here. I often tell my kids that hearing me is a very different thing than actually listening to me. It's no different when our calling comes to us in the smallest whisper.

"She listened to her heart above all the other voices." ~Anonymous

By learning our calling we often discover our dreams, small and big, and in reverse, having dreams also helps up discover our calling. What's truly exciting about that idea is that if it's our calling, those dreams can become our realities. We just have to be brave enough to follow through and take the leap. Doing this, taking that leap, can be utterly terrifying. And having bravery doesn't mean there is an absence of fear inside you. No, it means you are leaping in spite of the fear. Put your dreams out there and make others think 'look out world... here SHE comes!' Inspire others through your bravery.

No matter what paths we choose in our lives, we will always encounter closed doors. What does this mean for our dreams when we come to them? Does it mean we have chosen the wrong path? No. Not at all. Every step we take on our journey through life builds a foundation and prepares us for what is to come. Closed doors actually provide opportunities. That's a weird statement - sounds like an oxymoron, I know. But think about it. Closed doors are opportunities to get creative, and they are opportunities to test our bravery. It takes incredible courage to change paths along our journey, to look for a new door, or bypass them altogether and bust in through a window. But remember, wherever we have come from has been preparing us every step of the way for what is to come. Do you recall when I said that Rachel Hollis explained how we are exactly where we've brought ourselves in our lives? (If not, no worries... here is the link.) Sometimes we have gotten to where we are because there were easy paths, but other times we have had to become warriors to summon the courage to forge ahead down the difficult ones.

Having dreams is so important for our souls; those dreams give us drive, they give us purpose, and they challenge us. I believe in God, and I believe He gave me my dreams and He believes in them. I need to be brave and believe in them, too.

"It's the brave ones who choose to dream." ~Annie Downs

What happens when we find ourselves doubting those dreams and the journey they're asking us to take in pursuit of them? For me, those doubts creep up when I get a bad review on my writing, or when I get a rejection letter from a publisher. Many are standard, pre-formatted letters they send in the masses, but others are more personal. Despite the rejection, some offer advice... some, even praise. That doubt that you find creeping in, which is inevitable, is Satan at work. If I can believe that God has given me my dreams then I certainly must believe that Satan is hard at work to destroy them. In the face of doubt we must reaffirm our faith, and doing that forces us to summon courage. The most courageous thing we can do for ourselves and for our dreams is to love ourselves, to speak kindly to ourselves. And we do this despite all of our imperfections. Imperfections should never hold us back from loving ourselves. God himself loves us exactly the way He made us... imperfections and all. When we love ourselves we grow in confidence which ultimately feeds our bravery.

The Devils whispers, "You can't withstand the storm."
The warrior replies, "I am the storm." ~Anonymous

Those fires within us, no matter how small, were specifically designed for us and only us. People can share similar dreams, but that flame and those passions are ours, divinely made for us, and no one can take them away from us. Even before our own creation, "God has already said who we are... will you be brave enough to believe him?" ~Annie Downs. Let the truth of those words set you free so that you are able to take the first, or even 400th, step on your journey toward you dreams... your divine destiny.

"You have made the heavens and earth by Your great power. Nothing is too powerful for you," Jeremiah 32:17

Have dreams that move the mountains. Have courage in the knowledge that when you believe in your dreams, the small ones and the big ones, that God, who put them inside of you, can give them to you. Be brave enough to dream.




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