Go On, Be Brave

"Be brave enough to travel the unknown path, and learn what you are capable of." 

-Rachel Wolchin

What's in your heart? 

This time last year I was massively stressing out over my job. For my readers who have been in it for the long haul with me, you may recall that I was in a position and with a company that was literally sucking the life out of me. Maybe you're thinking that I sound rather feeble when I say that... and incredibly pessimistic, maybe even a little dramatic (or a lot). I mean, life is what you make it, right? I wasn't making the best of anything. I was repeatedly going back to someone (in this case, my job) that didn't value me or the hard work I did for them. Then I had a real slap-in-the-face awakening that told me that yes, the job sucked, but it was ultimately me who was making myself so miserable. I set the bar low for how I should be treated, and therefore, I was treated based on where I set that bar.

It was time to do something about it. It was time to make a change.

Writing is my passion, it sets my soul on fire. But even after two published novels, I still only described my writing as a hobby. I was making my passion, my skill, my accomplishments small. I was both afraid to have a big dream and to have that dream judged.

Enter: slap-in-the-face in the form of the book Girl, Wash Your Face. (I would like to say here that I truly loved this book and didn't just drink the Kool-Aid. I didn't, however, feel this way about Rachel Hollis's second book Girl, Stop Apologizing... but that's for a different day.)

It challenged my mindset. Why didn't I define myself as a writer? Why did I downplay my talent? Why couldn't I dream the big dream? Why did it matter what other people thought?

Then I had an idea... an epiphany, really... I was going to take control of my professional life. Goodbye life-sucking job. I was going to become a freelance writer. But how was I really going to do that? I have my published novels, which have done very well in a marginal audience, but those weren't about to cover my house payment. I needed more.

I was certain that this change of mindset was going to instantly change my life. I was so fired up. So, I started looking into writing jobs and contracts. I applied for so many. And although I often came in high in the running for many, ultimately I didn't book any of them. Gut punch.

I tried to remain steadfast in my excitement, but after three months I began losing steam. I mean, hadn't I decided to finally embrace the talent my God bestowed upon me? Hadn't I decided to fan the flame that burned deep inside? Surely that should've meant that things should've been happening for me. I absolutely needed to leave my job. But I was terrified to do that with nothing in place as a backup. Then I realized a very important thing: sure, I had decided to own my writing, letting writer be the definition of who I was and what I did, and I was finally putting myself out there, but only to people who were mere names, not faces. I didn't know any of them. I was applying for writing jobs on a national level. And writing can be done from anywhere, which means I was competing with other writers on a national level. I liken it to this - Hollywood is where you go if you want to be a celebrity actor and every talented wanna-be flocks there. In Hollywood, talented actors are a dime a dozen. In my case, talented writers applying for these writing jobs were also a dime a dozen. It was time to rethink my audience. This was my moment of truth... how brave was I really? I had to put myself out there for my existing network. A friend keenly and aptly pointed out that many people in my network knew I was a writer, what they didn't know is that I could be a writer for them. It was time to let go of my initial vision of what things had to look like for me to be a freelance writer and embrace something different. I had to stop forcing the dream and instead, let it take form on its own. And that's when things changed. It was through my network, the people I already knew, that my first writing contracts started coming in. And slowly word began to travel, my network began to grow, and so did my client list.

"You're going to be happy," said life. "But first I'm going to make you strong." - unknown

I walked away from that job that was so terrible for me. I walked away when I only had one writing job to fill its place. One. I didn't know if that made me irresponsible and insane, or brave and faithful. But I did it. And it wasn't until I let go of what was holding me back that I was finally able to move forward. 

Why do I tell this story? For two reasons: 1) to encourage you to not make yourself small - you matter, and 2) it's okay to start small - the key is to start. Everest wasn't climbed in a day, and no one starts in the middle, they all begin from the bottom and work hard, one step at a time, as they head for that summit.

So again, I ask you, what's in your heart? Do you not pursue your dream because you think it's folly? Does your dream scare you? Here's the deal - if it's in your heart, it's there for a reason; it isn't folly. And it absolutely should scare you. If it doesn't, it's not big enough. Everyone's dreams look different, so let go of the idea that yours has to look like someone else's to have any merit. Own everything about yourself that makes you you. Separate yourself from the masses and let your dream take true form, let it lead your way. Know that when you start out you will likely suck - even if you're pursuing that calling inside - and be okay with that. That's how we learn. When you're true to and honest with yourself, when you work hard, chipping away one step at a time, letting each bend or curve in the path be a lesson and an opportunity for growth, well, that's when you will find your way.

Go on... be brave.

Past the Starting Line

Six months ago I poured out to all of my readers about the difficult decision I made to leave my cushy job. Well, it wasn't all that cushy, but it was a good and steady paycheck. I thought I was losing my mind the day I turned in my resignation. I was about to step out on my own, the road before me unpaved and full of uncertainty.

But I've learned since then that it is indeed true that when everything is uncertain, all things are possible.

I took a leap. I decided to let go of what I thought things had to look like, and let God, let the universe, let my destiny take control and guide me where I needed to be. Looking back I have found that there are things that have come across my path that I don't think ever would have met me on the road had I not walked away from where I was. They were meant to meet me on my new journey, on that unpaved road I decided to take.

Today was a pivotal day for me and it showed me how far I've truly come. Back in January, I met an incredible woman and she loved my vision and the work that I did. I was writing professionally at the time, but I hadn't replaced that former income. But she saw all kind of potential in me and we came together to create something new for both of us. So today, I very excitedly and nervously stood up in front of a room filled with amazing business professionals and entrepreneurs, and I got to teach about content marketing and the value of a professional writer. I was, honestly, so nervous (writers tend to be more introverted than extroverted so standing up there was a new experience) that there are entire moments of my presentation that I don't remember. I had this problem in college, too. Speech terror blackouts. It is really is a thing. At least for me, anyway!

The point of my story is this... I had to get out of my own way to make room for good things to come to me. Six months ago I would have laughed if you told me I would be co-hosting a workshop on the power of words. Me...??!! Yes, Nicole... You!

You are the dreamer of your dreams. The key is to take a deep breath and leap. It was scary as hell. But the thought of standing on that edge any longer was killing me, and I had no choice but to jump if I wanted things to be different, to be better, if I wanted to find happiness. I haven't looked back once. I'm certainly not where I want to be, but I'm no longer on the starting line. And there's a lot to be said for that. Do I miss things like my Audible account? A little bit. But it was better to sacrifice my audiobook account rather than to let myself be the sacrifice.

What are you sacrificing... is it yourself? What's holding you back?

Girl, Own It: be intentional with your dreams

Do you ever think to yourself, whether it be while drinking your morning coffee, sitting at your desk at work, watching the latest episode of your fave TV show, that you want something more? That you are capable of more? So often, we live our lives as bystanders, thinking we are where we are because of circumstance - what life has brought to us. But we are exactly where we've put ourselves. It's decision that paves our way, not circumstance. How we respond to things, the choices we make are what have brought us to where we are. We change our position when we open our eyes and take a hard look around. We need to change our perspective if we're going to see something different (and that is freaking hard), but that is how we break apart the things that limit us and allow us to make changes. Nothing changes if nothing changes. To get the things we want, to make our dreams our realities, we need to be intentional with our lives; we need to live it on purpose.

Own your dreams. Don't shy away from that little voice that says you can do more. Everyone... everyone... possesses a special gift that is specific to you. Sure, it may be similar to someone else's, but only you will bring to fruition that dream, in only the way that you can. We need to stop living under our own shadows, step out into the light and take ownership of our dreams. Take control. Don't let other people's opinions of your dreams shape what they look like. Those are yours... no one else's. They don't get a say.

But this is harder said than done. We live in a world where our beliefs have been shaped by experience, which is shaped by perspective.

"Everything is just other people's perception of reality, and that is none of your business."

Jen Sincero

We have to fight for our dreams. And the first step to doing that is to own them. Identify what they are and respect the calling they have for you. Whether you believe in God, the Supreme Goddess, the Almighty Universe, the Light, Most High... whatever it is... it made you with the purpose of great things. Embrace them, and trust in them, and have faith that you were meant to make an impact. 

"If you base your self-worth on what everyone else thinks of you, you hand all your power over to other people..."

Jen Sincero

Dream big. Have wild dreams. Dreams that make others turn and cock their heads. Take a look around you. Everything you see was dreamt up by someone and their wild, hair-brained idea: the light bulb, the television, your cell phone. I mean, what was wrong with candles? What do you mean a giant screen with people moving across it - how would that even work? Something you can hold in your hand and talk to anyone around the world from? These were wild visions. They were wild dreams. But someone had each of them. They put aside other people's opinions, not taking stock in their doubt. They found a way to be sure of themselves, what the were capable of, and what they had to offer. Find an affirmation that inspires you and repeat it daily. I'm always posting affirmations on this blog, not to be cheesy, but to fine something that resonates with you.

Make the leap, take action. Failure will not kill your dreams, inaction will. Simply thinking about your dreams will not make them happen. We need to find courage and be brave enough to take the leap into the unknown. And know that our dreams do not become reality over night. They take time. We've got to put in the work. 

"Many of us approach our dreams with the same buying-on-credit philosophy that we use to buy our stuff. We want to find a way to get them without having to pay for them upfront."  

Rory Vaden

Don't be idle. Have a whole lot of audacity. Free yourself from the drama of other people. Trust in yourself and trust in your higher power. Give a giant, confident YES to adventure. Say yes to your dreams. 

The Calling vs. A Dream: which is it?

Is there a difference between a calling and a dream? The short answer: yes.

Although I didn't know it at the time, I was called to move to Utah. Was it a dream of mine to live in Salt Lake City? Definitely, no. It was far away from everything I'd ever known, and my family, and my friends. I got here and quickly discovered that I am a minority. Which was also new to me. I struggled to find my place and I feared I had made a mistake; maybe Utah wasn't where we were really meant to be. It definitely wasn't easy, none of it. But after meeting some sour apples, we found a house and met some good people, and those led to other good people. Before I could even realize it had happened, we had built a new home and had made a new family. It wasn't until many years later, when Tim and I entertained leaving Utah, that I realized I had been called here all those years ago, and that we were meant to be exactly where we were.

I have so many dreams in my head, big dreams. But I've also had dreams that have floundered and fallen to pieces. When I was a kid I wanted to be a singer. My siblings and I would put on elaborate concerts of our favorite songs and perform to the most supportive audience: our family. I would even memorize my favorite pop songs and record myself on the camcorder lip-syncing along to them, and then would play them back, watching as it sounded like I was really belting out those magnificent tunes. The reality - I would have had to stick to the lip-syncing because I am completely tone-deaf. That dream would never come to fruition for me.

Sometimes, though, our callings can be our dreams. I dreamed of becoming a mother and it was my calling to have both of my babies. I dreamed of marrying Tim, and it was also my calling to do just that. I knew pretty much from the moment I met him that I was in love. It was a kind of love that only a 14 year old girl could have for the "older" boy, but over the last 18 years it has changed and matured and grown into the beautiful story that only our hearts can tell.

What is amazing is when our callings and our dreams become congruent. There is true power when our calling, something that cries out specifically for us, a need that only we can fulfill, meets our dreams, the deepest, most inner wants of our hearts, of our souls. The pairing of these two elements creates our divine destiny.

That divine destiny is the ultimate powerhouse and it begs to be answered. It is that inextinguishable burning deep inside, the insatiable thirst, those words that play on repeat over and over again. When your calling and dreams collide, magical things can happen, and those are the moments for us to rise up, to be brave and courageous, and take a step into the unknown to chase that divine destiny. You have to put in the work, that divine destiny will never come to fruition if we don't work toward it. Make the commitment. The journey might be tough. It might be hard as ever, the hardest you've ever gone through, but push through the anguish and struggle. Have faith. Faith that this is exactly where you are meant to be. Faith in the knowledge that when you meet a closed door along the way, you already have the key. Be steadfast and do not waiver.

Where we find that faith, that strength that pushes us to carry on, is different for everyone. Christ is where I summon my strength to persevere and chase after that destiny. It is my faith in Him that fortifies my soul for the journey and when things get difficult, like I know they will, I look up. He is the One who put the tools in my hands and that fire in my heart, and when I hold onto the faith that I am where He wants me to be, I am at peace. He knows the way, He is almighty. He will guide me through the uncertain darkness, and His strength will sustain me when I am weak. His whisper in my heart will be my shield when Satan's lies rise up to make me doubt myself and His purpose for me.

I challenge you, beautiful, wonderful you... do you know what you are being called to? Silence the noise around you and listen...not to reply, but to understand; it will present itself when you're ready. Do you know what your dreams are? Those thoughts that play on repeat, over and over... be brave, my friend. You are never alone. Scary as it may be, the beginning starts with a single step.

"..at some point your heart [begins] to beat with a different rhythm, and now here you are, ready to take the first brave step." 

Annie F. Downs
100 Days to Brave