14 Days of More Self-Love

If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.

-Charles Bukowski-

Happy Valentine's Day! What better day to post on love... self-love! This fabulous blogger I follow has been promoting more self-love... why? Yes, I know, we've had this conversation. But it has been a while.

Right now, we're well into the new year, and I'd love to know how many of you are still maintaining that resolution you made. If you've fallen off the wagon, why do you think that is? It could be that you're goals were a little lofty and there wasn't a serious plan in place for sustainability. This has happened to me. Many times. Or it could be because you just aren't putting yourself first. Does this ring a bell with anyone?

Ladies, I cannot emphasize this enough, self-love must be the foundation of all that you do. Life is the flower that blooms out of love. You get the kids to school every day, help with homework every night, volunteer every other Friday and Valentine's parties. You carpool to dance and karate, you plan and cook dinner. And probably do the grocery shopping for those meals, too. You do the laundry, do the dishes, vacuum, and dust. You get the dog to the groomers. You pay the bills. You run kids to the doctor. You... you... you... See the common denominator here? YOU!

If you are the central component to all of that, wouldn't it make sense that when we practice self-love, when we put ourselves in the best place we can be, that everything around us thrives?

Girl, I get it... you are tired. Looking at that list above, it's no wonder. But if there is one thing we can't skip, it's prioritizing ourselves. Appreciate your beauty (yes, even on the days you wear your hair in a top-knot, have no make-up on, and don't even leave your yoga pants- even if you didn't actually do the yoga), be kind and gentle to yourself. Compliment yourself. Be comfortable in who you are, embrace yourself... quirks, and flaws, too. When we accept who we are, we put ourselves in a place for growth. But we'll never accept ourselves if we can't love ourselves.

For the next two weeks... the rest of February... join me in practicing some self-love. Because if you're anything like me, you need the practice. And thanks to MissCaffeinated, we have a plan to do just that... practice.

Day One: Take 15 minutes out of your hectic day and write. Write something. Anything. Doesn't matter what. Just sit down with your pen, at your computer, or even in the memo app on your phone, and write. 

Day Two: Clean a room in your house or apartment. If you've got some time to kill, clean more than one. Put things where they belong. Then open the blinds and let the sunshine in.

Day Three: Shower or take a bath. Fizzy bath bomb or not. Shave your legs (yes, I know it's winter), put on a beauty mask, pluck your eyebrows.

Day Four: Read for 30 minutes. Pick up that book you've been meaning to read. Don't just look at the cover. And perfectly enough, this will allow you to check off another box on the reading challenge! A good book will take you somewhere else, and that's a great way to shake off the day and decompress.

Day Five: Do some yoga. If you're going to sport the pants around, may as well use them for their purpose. And even if you can't do the salamba sirsasana (supported headstand), do the tree instead. And if you tip over, laugh at yourself.

Day Six: Take your time to get ready. Put on your favorite clothes, do your make-up (even your sultry date night make-up). Put on a great pair of shoes, maybe some perfume. And be awesome.

Day Seven: Light some candles and meditate for 10 minutes. Even if it's just your Scentsy that you turn on, do it. Calm your mind for just 10 minutes. Don't even think about the purple lamp (if you get that reference, we should be BFFs).

Day Eight: Eat something healthy for breakfast and then let yourself feel good about it for the day. Yes, yes, one meal won't make you skinny. But let yourself just be proud of the good choice you made.

Day Nine: Write down the single, biggest challenge you've overcome. Don't be shy... own what you conquered!

Day Ten: Buy yourself a nice journal and write either a morning affirmation or a reflection on your day at bedtime. If you're anything like me, you literally have seven journals in use for different things.

Day Eleven: Make an 'I'm proud of myself' jar. And stick a Post-It in every time you just kill it. Don't be shy about this either... own your inner badass. And be dang proud of her.

Day Twelve: Put away your phone for 1 hour... don't take any calls, glance at any texts, and definitely don't get on social media. Find something completely unrelated to technology to do. It'll be like the olden days!

Almost there... two more days!!

Day Thirteen: Declutter your social media. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. And don't feel bad about that!

Day Fourteen: (YOU MADE IT!) Write down 5 more things that you can do that will help promote your own self-love. How can you make it a daily practice in your life?

These are just some fun suggestions... do with them what you want. And have fun doing them. Fun and Love go hand-in-hand. Just remember... give yourself a little grace. And make sure to laugh.

Oh, and kiss your valentine.

Self-Love: my personal Everest

So, I know that I am my own worst critic. I'm critical of nearly everything about myself. And I hate that! (Don't worry, the irony that I hate that, which is clearly a negative critique of myself, is not lost on me.) When the new year rolls around, like it does every 365 days, I tell myself all the things I'm going to improve. But I fail at almost all of it.

Why do I want to change myself so much????

This year I tried shifting my mindset a little bit. What I want to do for myself this year is give myself some grace. To not be so hard on myself. To not be so judgemental of the reflection in the mirror. I want to learn how to love myself. And the first step in doing that is to accept myself. To respect myself. To honor who I am. I want to love myself as I am today, and not some version I hope to be down the road.

My plan is this (and I hope I don't give up on myself just because this gets hard... it will get hard):
-to acknowledge not just my shortcomings (which I have no troubles doing), but to acknowledge and celebrate my strengths.
-to stop comparing myself to other women.
-to stop thinking that my beginning needs to look like someone else's middle.
-to remember why I start things, then let that passion drive me.
-to live in, and better appreciate, as many moments as I can seize.

Guys, this will be my Everest... self-love...

Life is messy and chaotic and challenging, but it's also beautiful. And I can only imagine it would be a more beautiful place if I could find that in myself.

Grace... that is what I want to give myself. 

Self Love: learning to love my body

Today I want to talk about a subject that always makes me uncomfortable, but I think is an important topic to discuss for women: body image. 

First, let's define what a healthy body image is: it means that you're comfortable with your body and you feel good about both yourself and your physical appearance.

When I was in college I struggled with anorexia, something I've never shared publicly before. Interventions were made, and in the last 15 years I have come a long way from who that young woman was. But I hate to admit that I still struggle with some of the prevailing thoughts that filled my head back then. I still combat ideas of physical inadequacy. Thoughts like I'm not pretty or if only I could lose ten more pounds. And being a mom has added to that. I see stretch marks on my belly, my breasts aren't perky like they used to be (and larger than before having kids, too!), my belly isn't tight and firm. The list goes on.

If there is a camera around, it takes a few, or sometimes several, pictures before I approve myself in the picture. Or I'll specifically pose my children in front of me. And I almost always use a filter when posting to social media.

Who can relate to any of these?

I'm guessing most of you. And that absolutely breaks my heart.

Ladies, you are BEAUTIFUL!

I cannot stress that enough.

Our beliefs about ourselves and our definitions of beauty have been greatly influenced and molded by society. Society impacts so many facets of our lives in ways we are often not even aware of. From how we interact socially to personal development to self-worth, we are influenced by society and what it teaches us in relation to ourselves as well as our perceptions of others. Beauty is especially complicated because it is both internal and external. But they go hand-in-hand. External beauty is defined culturally, and our internal perceptions of ourselves are generally influenced by our external appearance. Internal beauty is also a reflection of the kind of person we are- kind, generous, loving, etc, but I'm specifically addressing our feelings of worth and adequacy based on our self-esteem. It's impossible to put the blame of the establishment of social norms and definitions on just one thing, but the media is undoubtedly a leading platform that both molds and reinforces our social perceptions and cultural beliefs. 

It is my experience that weight is the thing women want to change the most about themselves. And so often we have this misconstrued notion that health and thinness equate to the same thing. But here's the deal... they aren't the same thing! You can have curvy hips, or have a not-so-flat tummy, or an ample bosom and still be healthy! Every day, when I scroll through social media, there are always posts of people and how much weight they have lost... which is always great and exciting... but it makes it even more apparent that we put too much stock in the idea that that is happiness and personal satisfaction. And for the record, there are many, many free apps out there that allow you to digitally modify pretty much anything in a picture- weight is definitely one of them. Yes, sometimes weight and health go hand-in-hand, but if you regularly get exercise and make healthy eating choices and you still weigh 165 pounds, then maybe that is your healthy. Don't beat yourself up over the number. My personal opinion is that when we put all our happiness eggs in the weight basket, we'll never be satisfied. There will always be something we don't like about ourselves because we are so wrapped up in finding something wrong rather than appreciating what we have, and loving who we are. It's a perpetual cycle and it breeds discontent.

So when I look in the mirror at my imperfect body, I try to remind myself of all it has been through: it endured 23 surgeries, and it carried, birthed, and breastfed 2 babies. It gets me out of bed every morning. It has breath in my lungs and blood pumping through my heart. It allows me to play with my kids and be intimate with my husband. It allows me to run, and jump and be free. And everything about that is beautiful.

Healthy perceptions and beliefs of body image involve understanding that healthy and attractive bodies come in all shapes and sizes. No two bodies are alike. Physical appearances are not reflections of our character and worth. Some ways that we can combat the negative voices that perpetuate our poor perception of our bodies:

1) Every body is unique. We need to work with what we've got instead of fighting against it in an attempt to look a certain way.

2) Stop comparing ourselves to other women. "Comparison is the death of joy." -Mark Twain. Be bold and own what you've got!

3) Compliment yourself instead of criticizing yourself. We can acknowledge when an outfit doesn't flatter us (because we come in all shapes and sizes, and clothes do not), but rather than thinking, I look fat or terrible in this, find something that does work for you and tell yourself so... I look gooooood.

4) Get out and move. Exercise is not only good for our bodies physically, but also mentally, so let it help you appreciate what your body can do.

5) Don't let anyone else's narrow understanding and appreciation of beauty pull you down. Those are that person's hang-ups and likely have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

So ladies, I challenge you... every day, when you look in the mirror, give yourself a compliment. Like a real, legit compliment. It will make you incredibly uncomfortable, at first, but it will get easier. Do this, over and over again, every day, until those words begin to take root in your heart and you can believe them for yourself.

You are beautiful.

Finding My Voice

When I revived this old and dusty blog all those months ago, I honestly didn't think anyone would read it. Let alone be inspired by it. It started out with my ramblings... how I wanted to change and improve my life. How I had decided I was finally going to go after those big and crazy and wild dreams of mine. But Girl, Dream It has evolved into something I had never imagined. And I love hearing from so many of you about how it has motivated and inspired you.

Through this journey, what I realized about myself was that I was finding my voice again. For years I was working jobs where I just put my head down and did what was asked of me. No one wanted to hear what I had to say. And the longer I went on like that, the quieter my voice became. But now, through lots of hard work, personal challenges and personal growth, I am pushing myself and coming into my own- finding who I really am. Finding that voice again.

I had plenty of voice when it came to others. I'm all about defending the underdog. I have worked hard over the years to fight for others, especially my son. I fought fearlessly for that boy, to get him the help that he has needed academically because of his Dyslexia. But when it came to fighting for myself? I was silent. I can't pinpoint when the change began to take place, and I'm not even sure what sparked it. But one day, enough was enough. And I started picking up books, and reading about self-help, and self-love. And every book pushed me to the next one and suddenly I felt that fire in me begin to grow, begin to strengthen, begin to burn with conviction. I had something to say. I was finding my voice, and in doing so I was finding myself, and finding myself gave me a vision of what I want and where I want to go. My dreams are unfolding in exciting ways, and giving me opportunities I never had before. And I am working on my third novel, which excites me daily.

The founders of & coordinators of Heart-Working- these two are my people.

I tell women not to make themselves small. I tell myself not to make myself small. I tell myself to be proud of my passions, to not shy away from what I want. To own my dreams. It's definitely easier said than done. I have grown so accustomed to the white noise that had for so long drowned that voice... the noise that told me I wasn't good enough, that my dreams were crazy, that I was safer in those jobs that silenced my voice because there was certainty and stability in them. But my voice matters, and the more I learn about myself and the more I feed my passions, the louder I roar. I can do this. I will do this.

Last night, I stood up in front of a room of 90 women to encourage them not to be small. To be proud of their stories, their achievements, and their dreams. To tell them that they are enough.

I'll be honest, I was scared to get up there. I haven't spoken in front of a crowd in ten years. And never to one that large. It was a room filled with the best of the best. Women that do humanitarian work in countries like Kenya and Haiti, women who are high performing sales managers, women who have built thriving businesses in direct sales, women who are life coaches and professional coaches. There were women earning incomes on the side to give their families fun money, and there were women making well into the six-figures. It was a room filled with power. It was diversity at its best. And they asked me to stand up in front of them and share Girl, Dream It. I was both honored and humbled. Every day I am learning more and more about how far my reach goes, about the voices I have encouraged in other women. If all I did was touch one person then my journey of self-awareness, self-love, and bravery to speak up has all been worth it. So thank you to all of you who have believed in me from the start, and to all of you who have listened to my voice and still come back for more.

"I am woman, hear me roar!" Helen Reddy

Take Time For Yourself

Do you have a hard time taking down-time? Time for yourself? Time to just decompress? And when you do, what do you do?

I know so many women who are always on the go. Working, keeping the flame in a marriage (this is no solo task), raising kids, running errands, making meals, cleaning the house, balancing budgets... oh, the list could go on and on. And so many of us have a hard time taking the time we need for ourselves. But you know what... we need a rest! 

We need time to sit down, breathe, reflect... and let our minds float away. This is how we restore ourselves. When we are restored, we can go back into the beautiful chaos of our lives stronger, and more ready to take on what is thrown at us. Take time to recharge.

I seriously struggle to find solitude for myself- because I rarely make time for it. I am always, always, on the go. But when I take time to decompress, I'm always so much better when I'm back in the field. It's not good for my health. Running rampantly all the time is exhausting. I need to remind myself to find ways to unplug from the world. Turn off my cell, walk away from the computer. Find quiet.

Part of the problem for me is that I often take on the feeling of guilt when I'm taking the time for myself. Do you struggle with this as well? I adore spending time with people... my family, my friends... all of you when I sit down to write my blog posts. Interaction makes me happy. But time for myself is vital. Time for yourself is vital, too. Solitude is a vacation for our soul. It's a time to stop doing for others and do for ourselves. We are important, too.

Rachel Hollis says it best when she says that we, women, flake on ourselves before anyone else. Why is that? I really have no answers because I am not immune to this problem. Even God, himself, rested on the seventh day. He may not have rest because He was tired, but we are humans... we get tired. 

Learning how to rest will become your great strength.

I challenge you, as I challenge myself, find ways to put yourself first. Small ways, as well as big ways. Do something just for yourself. Take a break. Show yourself some of the love that you show everyone else on a daily basis. Remember to value yourself and your needs. We'll all be much better off in our lives when we can find a way to integrate ourselves into the mix. Take a breath.