Self Love: learning to love my body

Today I want to talk about a subject that always makes me uncomfortable, but I think is an important topic to discuss for women: body image. 

First, let's define what a healthy body image is: it means that you're comfortable with your body and you feel good about both yourself and your physical appearance.

When I was in college I struggled with anorexia, something I've never shared publicly before. Interventions were made, and in the last 15 years I have come a long way from who that young woman was. But I hate to admit that I still struggle with some of the prevailing thoughts that filled my head back then. I still combat ideas of physical inadequacy. Thoughts like I'm not pretty or if only I could lose ten more pounds. And being a mom has added to that. I see stretch marks on my belly, my breasts aren't perky like they used to be (and larger than before having kids, too!), my belly isn't tight and firm. The list goes on.

If there is a camera around, it takes a few, or sometimes several, pictures before I approve myself in the picture. Or I'll specifically pose my children in front of me. And I almost always use a filter when posting to social media.

Who can relate to any of these?

I'm guessing most of you. And that absolutely breaks my heart.

Ladies, you are BEAUTIFUL!

I cannot stress that enough.

Our beliefs about ourselves and our definitions of beauty have been greatly influenced and molded by society. Society impacts so many facets of our lives in ways we are often not even aware of. From how we interact socially to personal development to self-worth, we are influenced by society and what it teaches us in relation to ourselves as well as our perceptions of others. Beauty is especially complicated because it is both internal and external. But they go hand-in-hand. External beauty is defined culturally, and our internal perceptions of ourselves are generally influenced by our external appearance. Internal beauty is also a reflection of the kind of person we are- kind, generous, loving, etc, but I'm specifically addressing our feelings of worth and adequacy based on our self-esteem. It's impossible to put the blame of the establishment of social norms and definitions on just one thing, but the media is undoubtedly a leading platform that both molds and reinforces our social perceptions and cultural beliefs. 

It is my experience that weight is the thing women want to change the most about themselves. And so often we have this misconstrued notion that health and thinness equate to the same thing. But here's the deal... they aren't the same thing! You can have curvy hips, or have a not-so-flat tummy, or an ample bosom and still be healthy! Every day, when I scroll through social media, there are always posts of people and how much weight they have lost... which is always great and exciting... but it makes it even more apparent that we put too much stock in the idea that that is happiness and personal satisfaction. And for the record, there are many, many free apps out there that allow you to digitally modify pretty much anything in a picture- weight is definitely one of them. Yes, sometimes weight and health go hand-in-hand, but if you regularly get exercise and make healthy eating choices and you still weigh 165 pounds, then maybe that is your healthy. Don't beat yourself up over the number. My personal opinion is that when we put all our happiness eggs in the weight basket, we'll never be satisfied. There will always be something we don't like about ourselves because we are so wrapped up in finding something wrong rather than appreciating what we have, and loving who we are. It's a perpetual cycle and it breeds discontent.

So when I look in the mirror at my imperfect body, I try to remind myself of all it has been through: it endured 23 surgeries, and it carried, birthed, and breastfed 2 babies. It gets me out of bed every morning. It has breath in my lungs and blood pumping through my heart. It allows me to play with my kids and be intimate with my husband. It allows me to run, and jump and be free. And everything about that is beautiful.

Healthy perceptions and beliefs of body image involve understanding that healthy and attractive bodies come in all shapes and sizes. No two bodies are alike. Physical appearances are not reflections of our character and worth. Some ways that we can combat the negative voices that perpetuate our poor perception of our bodies:

1) Every body is unique. We need to work with what we've got instead of fighting against it in an attempt to look a certain way.

2) Stop comparing ourselves to other women. "Comparison is the death of joy." -Mark Twain. Be bold and own what you've got!

3) Compliment yourself instead of criticizing yourself. We can acknowledge when an outfit doesn't flatter us (because we come in all shapes and sizes, and clothes do not), but rather than thinking, I look fat or terrible in this, find something that does work for you and tell yourself so... I look gooooood.

4) Get out and move. Exercise is not only good for our bodies physically, but also mentally, so let it help you appreciate what your body can do.

5) Don't let anyone else's narrow understanding and appreciation of beauty pull you down. Those are that person's hang-ups and likely have absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.

So ladies, I challenge you... every day, when you look in the mirror, give yourself a compliment. Like a real, legit compliment. It will make you incredibly uncomfortable, at first, but it will get easier. Do this, over and over again, every day, until those words begin to take root in your heart and you can believe them for yourself.

You are beautiful.