Oh, girl, I am right there with you. But you know what, that dream, that little voice inside of you telling you what you really want, that's your voice. The voice was put there by the all greater universe. And only you have that voice. For so many things in our lives, we, women, play it small. We undermine and devalue what our hearts want. We're afraid to be judged. But here's the truth... you are important. You matter. You have a place. Dreaming big is hard, I get it. But personally, I think that not having big dreams is even harder.
I often waiver between being terrified that my dreams are too crazy, and wild, and unattainable (what makes me special enough for that great BIG dream?) and wanting more, desperately ready to take off like a rocket after what I want. Do you waiver like that?
But I'm at a point in my life where my fears of not going after what I want are greater than my fears of staying small. I don't care how crazy people think I am. I don't care how many nos I get on my way. By damn, I am going to do this. I will, in one way or another, make this happen.
"It was about no longer being the kind of person who takes what she can get, and finally becoming the kind of person who creates exactly what she wants."
Jen Sincero
I took a four year hiatus from my writing. My last novel was released in late summer of 2014. And then I stopped. Okay, I didn't completely stop. I did occasionally write things that came to mind. But forty, fifty, sixty pages later I tanked those pages all together. Every time. Then I got to the point where I thought, maybe I'm not really a writer, because... HELLO! I'm not writing. Then the other night I had a realization about this. I went to the anticipated encore of Made For More by Rachel Hollis. I've already established my girl crush on her. But she said something that really resonated with me. We all have seasons that we go through. And sometimes those times in our lives demand all our attention and focus. It doesn't mean those things in our heart matter any less to us, but rather that there are other things that need us in those moments. When I look back at the whole picture of my life in the last four years I see two huge events that monopolized all of me, both physically and emotionally. First, I had a medical diagnosis in October of 2014. It rocked my world and created a major upheaval in my life. And I had to give it everything I had. I still have to. And then there is my son. It was shortly after that book release, that his problems with his (at that time, un-diagnosed) Dyslexia emerged, going strong. Getting the help he needed- both with psychologists and the school became a full-on war that I had to fight. It took everything in me. Every ounce of determination I had was poured into what I could do to help my son. I read, and studied, and picked apart EVERYTHING that I could. I learned about what Dyslexia was (I had a very narrow, naive understanding of it), I learned what kind of doctors he needed, the testing he needed, what his rights where, what resources we had... you name it... I learned it. And it took battle after battle, but I got that boy the IEP at school that he needed. I'm entirely certain there are people at his school that think I was an absolute pain in the ass, but you know what? I. Don't. Care. And you know what else? I got what I needed.
Now it's a new season in my life. And I get to go back to pouring my heart and soul onto the pages I write. Whether it be this blog, professional freelance work I do, or my manuscript I'm working on, I am back to writing. Because I have been a writer all along.
Hello great BIG dream.... I'm coming for you!
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