The Purposeful Woman

Alivia Burgess

Alivia, a mother of two daughters, Charlotte (6) and Samantha (2), has been married to Gene for nine years. "I had a good life growing up," she said, thinking back to her childhood. "My parents got divorced when I was in junior high. But everything was pretty happy. We traveled a lot, didn't really want for anything. I had a pretty good childhood," she said. "I was in choir, and HOSA, and the senior committee. It was really the typical white-picket-fence life." After high school, Alivia went on to study nursing at Southern Utah University. "College was fun. I was in a sorority, and did all the college things," she said with a devious laugh. "When I was in college, my best friend had committed suicide, so I ended up moving home, and going to Weber State after that." With the sudden death of her closest friend, Alivia admits she struggled with serious depression and anxiety. "I didn't make it to nursing school, but I did have enough credits for an Associates of Science. And [in 2002], my friend and I left Utah and moved to Colorado. Mostly because all of our friends were getting married and we didn't want to, so we escaped," she said with a laugh. "I lived in Colorado for about seven years. There, I worked as a medical assistant. I did that for a lot of years. And then I worked in credit card processing 

"I got married in 2003, and then divorced in 2005. And then I met Gene in 2008." He was a bouncer, right? You met him at a bar? "I did," she smiled. "I was getting ready to move home, actually. I had been divorced for a couple years, so I was going to move back to Utah. And then my best friend told me she wanted me to meet someone, in an effort to keep me in Colorado. So she introduced us. At a bar. He was a bouncer there. That was his part-time job. He worked in telecom cabling during the day. We instantly hit it off and he ended up moving to Utah with me, so I moved anyway.

"We got married after being [in Utah] for about a year." Alivia spent the next few years working sales for credit card processing and then an oil company, and after the birth of Sam in 2015, she left her job to become a stay-at-home mom. 

PCOS, Depression, & Anxiety

"We struggled to get pregnant with [Charlotte] because I have PCOS." Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, or PCOS, is an insulin resistant metabolic disorder common among women. It affects roughly 1 in 10 women, and causes hormonal imbalance and metabolism problems. The rate of infertility in women with PCOS is very high and represents 80% of anovulatory infertility cases. Perfectly enough, September is PCOS Awareness Month, and groups all over the country come together to build support for other women with this struggle. "I was told when I was a teenager and was diagnosed with it, that I might not have babies." Alivia has had to manage her PCOS with medication and has also needed surgery. "After I went off birth control, my PCOS went out of control. And I gained thirty pounds in three months. They found a bunch of polyps and cysts and fluid behind my uterus and so I had to have a bunch of surgery. Once Gene and I got married, we tried for a year and a half and couldn't get pregnant, so my doctor put me on fertility meds, which were awful. Eventually I just said we can't do this anymore. I was still dealing with anxiety and depression; I had been on anti-depressants for tens year by then. I went off of the fertility meds and my mom took me to New York for a week, came home, got pregnant." For her second pregnancy, no intervention was needed. "Sam came all on her own."

Taking Control of Her Health

"After Charlotte, I lost weight easily. But after Sam, I didn't. At all. And that's when I decided to do my own weight loss. I knew that low carb, low sugar worked well for me. I lost about twenty pounds in five months or so." At that point, Alivia started drawing the attention of those around her, wondering what she was doing and how she was being so successful. To build a community of women who wanted to get healthier and take control of their PCOS, she put together a Facebook group and began coaching other women on their journeys. "A lot of women don't even know they have PCOS and they think they just gain weight easily. But I've had it for so long that I can pretty much identify someone with it by looking at them and simply knowing their symptoms. PCOS goes hand in hand with diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. And when I was pregnant with both of my girls, I had gestational diabetes. Now, I'm back down to my high school weight, but if I don't take my meds, which regulate my insulin, after only two or three days my cravings start coming back, I start breaking out and having all these symptoms."

Without realizing it, Alivia began to take the lead with more and more women, coaching them on the road to better health and weight management. "Health coaching just fell into my lap. And it's been life changing. It combines so many things that I love. I love medicine, and being a people person - being able to talk to people. It's been a fun new career and it's something I'm passionate about."

How do you prioritize your health?

"Definitely better than I ever used to. Because that's my job. I make time to go to the gym every day. I'm a health coach, so basically it's my job to be healthy. I'm an example to so many people. I've made it a priority for myself as well as at home." 

Being healthy has greatly impacted Alivia's life and her personal struggles with anxiety and depression. "I think the kinds of things we eat has a big effect on our brains. But that being said, the death of my friend caused me to tailspin. It caused a chemical imbalance in me. And then my divorce, did it all over again. I know what it feels like to be depressed and I know what it feels like when it's creeping back in. But today I'm better equipped to deal with it. I'm better at redirecting it before it gets bad. Depression can consume you, but if you can catch it, if you can identify it, just as it's coming, and do something about it, it doesn't succumb you as much. But I think it will be a battle for forever."

Digging Deeper

If you have to describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
"Passionate. Loving. That's one thing I figured out through coaching, I realized what I am here to do. What my personality is good at is loving people." And lastly, "I would like to say strong. I feel like I'm strong-willed and I'm becoming physically strong."

What's your favorite movie?
"I'm a Libra, so it changes," she laughed. "Probably The Greatest Showman. Or Les Mis. I like musicals. I like to sing."

Since you're such a singer, what's your favorite song?
"Fresh Eyes, by Andy Grammer. It's pretty cute."

You have a shirt that says EAT, so tell me, what's your favorite food?
"I have so many! This is a multi-faceted question. Mexican food is probably my favorite type of food because, chips and salsa. My favorite dinner to make lately is egg roll in a bowl. And my favorite little sinful treat is Green & Black's dark chocolate with a little sea salt."

Favorite book?
"I wish I had more time to read books. I really like fantasy. It keeps my interest more than most others. I love Harry Potter. I really liked the Twilight series, but I loved the book she wrote after that, The Host. Oh, and I love The Cape House. I should read that again. I loved it. Ugh, all the crying." If you didn't already know, The Cape House was the first novel I published.

We've all got them... what are your guilty pleasures?
"Oh boy! My chocolate. And the Bachelor/Bachelorette. That whole franchise. But I don't really feel guilty about them. I just have pleasures," she laughs. "Although sometimes I hide in the pantry from my kids when I have a treat."

First thoughts in the morning?
"Usually, crap... what time is it? I'm a really light sleeper, so I'm usually up multiple times in the night. Did you know, I learned this from the self-help book The Miracle Morning, that your first thought in the morning is usually your last though at night? So you should do bedtime affirmations."

What makes you feel beautiful?
"At first, it was 'if I could lose this much weight, I would feel beautiful'. And I got to that point and now I think strong is beautiful. Muscles and being healthy. And also getting dressed up. I feel the most beautiful when I have my family with me."

Where do you find inspiration in life, as a mom, a wife, a coach, a woman?
"Seeing people succeed. Seeing people break through barriers of self-doubt. That's what inspires me."

How do you manage doubt?
"One of my friends is over the Vasa fitness center and we talked about me teaching a class, and I thought 'I can't teach a class, that's crazy'. Not long ago, I took a step back from my coaching, just to look at the big picture, and I thought to myself, 'that's a lot of people depending on me', and I kind of freaked out. And it made me wonder if I could really do this. But then, I got a text from my friend, and it said:

"Your calling is meant for you, not anyone else. Everybody may not get it, and that's okay. They weren't designed for this, you were. God didn't place it in their heart, he placed it in yours. If we left the plans and purposes of our lives in the hands of people, our life would be conformed to what people want to see instead of who God made us to be. And that's just no way to live." Britney Moses

I couldn't help but think that that quote was so in keeping with the message of Girl, Dream It. Every post is meant to encourage and inspire women to find what their calling is and discover who they are, and not try to be someone else, not compare themselves to others. We were all uniquely made to play a role in life that is specific to us. No one else can do what we are called to do. We just need to find a way to be brave enough to follow that calling and live our purpose.

"I feel like I know myself so much better than I ever have, and I feel like I know why God puts me in different people's paths, and what my job is. And so before, I would doubt myself and I just wouldn't do it. But now I feel like, I've become a lot more in-tuned with my intuition. The more you get to know yourself, and trust yourself, and trust God, and trust your intuition, the less doubt you have. The more I get to know myself, the more I fall in love with myself the better mom I am, the better wife I am, the better friend I am."

Parenting & Marriage

If you were to have a parenting motto, what would it be?
"Just to love [my kids]. Love them through their fits because all of those stem from some other frustration. They throw tantrums because they're little, or the don't feel heard, or they had a rough day at school. And if you get down on their level and talk to them about it, treat them like they're a person, then they respond better. Plus, that's all they want. They just want you to love them. They don't want you to be perfect. They just want to be snuggled, and loved, and safe."

What would you say is your biggest challenge as a mom?
"Balancing my drive for working and my need to contribute financially but also feel like I'm contributing to society. When I just stayed at home I was depressed. Because all I did was clean, and take care of kids, and wipe boogers, and change diapers. It wasn't fulfilling, which made me feel guilty. But for me, that isn't all there is. So it's balancing that guilt that being their mom should be fulfilling to me with putting my kids in daycare so that I can work. I don't have to work financially, but I have to mentally for myself. So, ultimately it's balancing work and mothering."

What's your favorite part about parenting?
"I kind of a have a love/hate with the neediness. Seeing the girls succeed, and Charlotte be confident in herself. I love the cuddly moments when they need me, but I love seeing them be strong and brave."

How do you prioritize your marriage?
"I'm not sure I do a very good job of that, honestly. But we try and do a date night once a week, and we also have just mom and dad time. We have a set bedtime, and then Gene and I will sit and watch shows and just hang out together. We try real hard. That's about all you can do when you have a six and two year old."

What is your favorite thing to do together?
"Lately, it's been archery. He's really into it and he bought me a bow and I just picked it up this summer and I love it! We shoot in our backyard, and the girls have their own bows now, too."

Sum up your marriage in one word.
"Comfortable. We're in a good rhythm."

Health Coaching Journey

What took you from your personal weight loss journey to helping others have that kind of success?

"It started with people just noticing that I had lost weight, and my girlfriends started asking me, and of course I wanted to help them. So that's when I put together that Facebook group, and we called it Cysted Sisters. Like Twisted Sisters," she said with a laugh. "I tried really hard to translate what I had done to them, and what I did was basically what this company that I coach for now does. Low carb, low sugar, lean proteins, and vegetables. I kind of struggled at that point to translate it to these women, and so they struggled to be on any sort of plan, until one of my friends asked me what I had done. And I told him and he pretty much told me that he had done the same, but with a program and it was already pre-done. So I looked into it with my medical background to make sure it was healthy and something that wasn't going to screw my friends up. All I really wanted to do was help them. And so now it has blown up into something I just didn't imagine."

In her hand- the weight she's lost. On the floor- the collective weight loss of her clients.

As a health coach, what is your biggest challenge?

"People not believing in themselves. We kind of follow a motto of believe in them until they can believe in themselves. Or fight for them until they can fight for themselves. Some people just aren't ready. It's a lifestyle change. It's a big deal, and it's hard."

What's the best part?

"It's when after the first week, or the first month, and they have proven to themselves that they can do it, that they're down ten pounds, or twenty pounds. They're super excited! Or when people call me and say 'I'm no longer on the brink of diabetes', or 'I just got taken off my blood pressure medication'. Those kind of things make it all worth it. If I hadn't made the choice I had a year ago to become a health coach, they may not be getting healthy. That makes me feel like it was all worth it.

Moving Forward

"What's helped me to move forward and believe in myself, and fight through depression is believing that I have a bigger purpose, that I was put here to do something great. You might not know what yours is, yet, but whether it's raising a child that's going to be kind to others, or it's being a health coach and it's helping people get off their medications, or writing books, whatever it is, we all have a purpose. And just believing in that, that you have a purpose, that you're an individual and you're not supposed to be like everyone else, and that's what makes you beautiful, and that's what makes you amazing. You are your own person and you have your own talents. It's hard. I say that and I think back to the me before I woke up to myself, and you can say all those things and they are pretty words, but to somebody who doesn't believe in themselves, or to somebody who is struggling, it's hard to sit in that space and believe that they're made for something different. But no matter the dark time I was in in the past, there was always someone who loved me, someone who was an angel to me. And now I just want to be that for someone else."

What is the best advice you've ever been given and would pass along to other women?

"Probably to take time for myself. To take care of myself because then I'll be better able to take care of other people. I think that so many women run themselves ragged- whether they're mothers or not, whether they're wives or not, women just by nature try to take care of everyone, or try to do all of the things because we're trying to keep up with all the guys, and be in a men's world. I feel like a lot of women are running a rat race just trying to keep up when we're really just running ourselves into the ground. If you can't take care of yourself, you're not going to be able to run anywhere or take care of anyone else.

"Remember your worth. Know that you are worth more than what people tell you that you are because people are flawed and people are going to say mean things, or people are going to put doubt in your mind about who you are and what you can do. Love yourself and respect yourself. And prioritize yourself. Remember that you're strong and beautiful and anything in your head that you want to do you can make happen."