The Value of Friendship

Gosh, I feel like I haven't been on here in forever. "Forever" is obviously an exaggeration, but it really has been a while. I have been so miserably sick and I couldn't even open my computer other than to do actual work. And even that was rough.

I am probably one of the sickest healthy people you could meet. And yes, I realize that sounds like such a contradiction. But it's true. I am healthy. Well, that's what my doctors say and my test results all say when it comes to things like cholesterol, blood pressure, etc... But this last December, my shoulder surgery was surgery number 23 for me! And I'm 33 years old. I mean, really? 23? And it's always the most random and obscure things. Like thoracic surgery to remove a rib because it had been consumed with something called fibrous dysplasia (WHAT is that? A rare skeletal disease). Or a renal calyceal diverticulum (again, WHAT is that? A pouch formed within the kidney interfering with basic kidney function). Again, incredibly rare. Those are just two examples. My poor mother- always putting up with and taking care of me because of the strangest things. Bless her patient and loving heart.

Where am I going with this?

Since moving to Utah, my health bad luck continued. And what it helped teach me was the absolute value and importance of friendship. I could never have gotten through the things I have without the friends in my life. As I'm relying on that again this week, I'm overwhelmingly filled with gratitude for the support I get from my friends.

Friendships from my youth were all over the place. I often struggled to find where I fit in. I tended to just take on the persona of the group I was with. Sometimes I was a trouble-maker, and sometimes I was the ultimate rule follower. There are a few people I grew up with that I still have occasional contact with. Social media makes this so much easier. But then college came, and those women changed everything for me. My college years were pivotal in helping me learn who I was, and come into my own. And the girls I met there encouraged that. I suddenly didn't feel the pressure to be who everyone else wanted me to be, but instead allowed to be the person I wanted to be. I've still changed, and evolved greatly over the years. But the friends in my adult life no longer defined me, instead they taught me about who I am. And who I want to be.

Over the years there have been friends I have lost touch with. Some of us just simply drifted apart. Some had tragic and heartbreaking endings. Some were harder to let go of than others. But what I've learned from all of those is that sometimes we just outgrow people. Not everyone is meant to stay with us. And that's okay. And just because there isn't a future for those relationships doesn't mean there isn't true value in the shared past. Those memories, those lessons... all worth it. Yes, even the hard ones.

Being so far away from family, the friends I have in my life have become my family. And that makes them special because rather than having a familial connection, we choose each other. No two relationships are alike, and each one has been formed and built by different experiences and connections. These women are so special to me. Not only do they continuously teach me about who I am, but they inspire me to always be a better version of myself. That's a powerful thing.

Friendships are fluid- always changing, always growing, always evolving. And I've learned that the very best way to have a good friend is to be a good friend. It's always an ebb and flow. Sometimes they need me more, and other times I need them more. But amid those rolling waves, there is balance. What's beautiful are the friends who still hear you even in your silence. Just like any relationship, friendship is not a matter of two people completing each other, but rather two wholes coming together to make something greater. Wayne Dyer says, "We don't attract what we want, we attract who we are." Our relationships are a reflection of who we are and what we are willing to put into them. The best way to have those relationships that thrive and help you thrive is to bring the best version of yourself to the table.

Don't apologize for who you are. True friends love you for your true self. Don't let others define who you are. Being who you are feeds every relationship in a different way. Believe in your worth. Choose to invest in people who invest in you. And invest in them in return.

Friendship isn't a big thing. It's a million little things.

*I couldn't include pictures of every friend who has shaped who I am (obviously)... but I did include some of the most important ones.