Back in the Game- Writing Dreams

Because I'm a Minnesota girl, born and bred,
I had to use the MN Twins.
(Picture may be subject to copyright)

It's no lie- my writing career has been put on the back burner of my life. Somewhere along the line I lost sight of what I wanted for myself.

A few years ago I went back to work. My kids started school. They had activities. My husband took on more responsibility at a job that is 65 miles away (imagine that daily drive... gasp!). Suddenly my life wasn't my own. I found little time for the things that I wanted to do. Man! It's hard work being a working mom, a mom who volunteers in the school, who goes on fieldtrips, and plans playdates, a mom who takes to every practice and goes to EVERY game, competition, and recital. On top of that I learned that my son has a learning disability- Dyslexia. Imagine that for a second- a mom, whose biggest working passion is the written word, both creating and reading, has a son with a learning profile that makes WORDS nearly impossible. I think it smacked me harder than it did him. And it wasn't until recently that I even discovered how biased I was toward the written word. For me, the world was an open door because of books. And when I wrote, I could be anyone, go anywhere, and do anything I wanted. I put so much stock in books! Then I had this rude awakening that my approach to books, and reading, and writing was only that... MY approach. There are so many other ways! And now I'm actively searching for, actively hunting down those ways to make it possible for my son to value and appreciate what reading and writing can do. But through a medium that makes it possible for him. When all of this started with my son, and we began to notice the red flags... more and more and more... I've had to fight, tooth and nail, blood, sweat and tears, to get him the help that he needs. (I'll save the details of that journey for another day.) But let me tell you this, it has been one of the most exhausting battles of my life. And it has been going on for years. Want to quiz me about FAPE, the IDEA act, IEPs, 504s...? I dare you. I have had to teach myself SO much so that I can be my son's biggest warrior. And you know what? I am succeeding! After 3 1/2 years of "NO!" I finally have things in place to help him. It has taken me so long to get here, and it has taken me so much time and effort. But he's worth it. The drawback? It was one more thing that kept me away from writing. That was, until I decided to write a children's book. SAY WHAT? But I write fiction that is geared toward women. Adult women. Why suddenly a children's book? Well, I have a difficult time finding quality books that are rewarding, interesting and STILL at my son's reading level. He's 9, going into 4th grade, but reads at a second grade level. So, how do I find material that is written at that reading level that will also engage and entertain someone at his age? See my challenge? My answer... write him that book. Write him a story that draws him in and makes him excited but is also at a level he can be successful at when he reads it. I put the ball in his court- who were the main characters? What was this story's theme? What was going to be the overall message? His answers were pretty straight forward. Three friends: Emma, Jake & Tony (Tony?? What kind of 9 year old thinks up the name Tony? I don't think he even knows a Tony. Oh, wait... Tony Stark? Yeah, that's it.). Our main boy is Tony. He's fiercely loyal, and honest. He has a hard time with words but has a good attitude and always gives it his best. And his bravery... well, that's something that will be tested in this story. Okay, so what kind of story is it? He was very clear. It was to include time-travel, and a magical world, and dragons, and sorcerers and wizards. There is to be a great battle between good and evil. Friendships will be tested, loyalties challenged, and deep levels of bravery will need to be summoned like never before. Sounds great, right?! It's a work in progress. But I guess the point is that it is IN PROGRESS.

Since WIAMO was released in 2014, I've started... and stopped... over a dozen stories. Some make it far enough to my best friend's email and she reads them and always reports back high praise, but then I get stuck. I get stuck and I give up. I actually went back to an old one I sent her, one she really liked, and thought to myself "hmm, that's actually pretty good", so I tried to pick it up. And then I was quickly reminded why I gave it up last time... I was STUCK! A professor in college told me once that the best way to get through writer's block was to write all the bad stuff in your head until you finally get past it. Then you can go back and either clean up the crap, or toss it altogether since you've busted through the restraints of that awful writer's block. My problem again? I find it difficult to set aside time to write. So for most of my personal projects, as soon as I lose steam, they go to the wayside. I dedicate myself to everyone and everything else. I flake on myself first. Hmm... maybe not such a good thing.

Enter a new idea... my life is so busy and filled with things that I think are just mediocre. But what if there is something I can do about that?! (This truly was an epiphany for me.) Now, some of those things that I have to do I can do nothing about. I don't get particularly excited to drive to ballet or karate. Those are pretty mediocre, or if I'm honest, less than mediocre, things in my life. But I've got to do what I've got to do. And I have to work. I love my lifestyle and I love letting my kids do all kinds of things that they love, I love traveling, and I love being able to provide for my son additional academic assistance- even if it's basically another car payment in my life. But who said I had to continue the work I am doing now? A little seed planted in my head a few months ago, and just recently got some water and has begun to sprout. And then, offering more water and more sunshine to that little sprout, enter Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis. Life changing. It was the very kick in the butt, brick through my window, shoulder shaking that I needed. So now, after nearly 5 years of silence on this blog, here I am.... proclaiming that I am taking back my life! I am getting back into the game. WRITING CAREER, here I come! Now, even if no one ever reads this post, I am still putting it down in words for myself... I am going to make this happen. What's my dream? Well, my lofty, very BIG dream is to sell a million copies of one of my books. But that is never going to happen if I don't write. My current job is one of those mediocre things I was mentioning. It's boring work. It doesn't challenge me. It's not even in the field I paid a ton of money to get a degree in. BUT... it pays well. It gives me complete flexibility over my schedule, which means I can fit it into my life, instead of fitting my life into it. It also provides for my family. But why does the job I do have to be one of those mediocre things? Why can't I find a way to integrate my dreams into what I need on a daily basis? Okay, so if it really was that easy to make as much money as I make now (or more!) writing novels, I wouldn't be in this place. But what if I can write other things that earn me a living in the meantime? What if I can replace my mediocre with passion? And in turn, let that fuel the bigger passion that would at least be the stepping stones to that lofty and very BIG goal I mentioned before? Laugh at my dream if you'd like. It's okay if you think I'm crazy. Because I am learning that I am the keeper of my own dreams and I get to be the one who decides what I can and cannot do. Rachel says it best- I am in the place I am in in my life because my choices have put me here. Yes, things happen to us that we cannot control, but how we react to those things, that's where we have control, and those are the decisions that lead us to the very place we are in right now! Don't like your place? Make a different decision. That's what I'm doing. I'm opening my eyes and taking a look around. I don't like where I am. Am I grateful? Absolutely! But it's not where I want to be. So I'm taking back control. I'm changing the direction I am going in. I have busted my butt putting together a new resume, cover letters, and samples of my writing all to demonstrate what I CAN do as a writer so that I can, eventually, find a place where I can apply my passion. It may take me a week, a month, six months (hopefully not that long, though), but I will get there. It's a matter of finding that perfect opportunity. The one that is not only an opportunity for me, but also for whomever I get to write for. And all of this...changing my path, going in the direction of what matters, will help me rise above mediocrity and once again set my eyes on my goals... even the lofty, very BIG ones.

Today, I am back in the game. Take that mediocre.