Goodbye Decade, Hello World

As I sit here right now, like I always do at the beginning of a new year, I think, wow, a new year is upon us. And then I wonder how that happened? I mean, the days are long but the years are short. So...feaking... true. And now I'm sitting here, not just reflecting on a single year, but a whole decade. So many things happened in my life over the last ten years, good and bad, ups and downs, that have all shaped who I am in this very moment. So here's a look back, and maybe a few lessons I learned along the way.

2010

Tim and I kicked off the decade with perhaps our biggest change yet... we were parents of a then seven-month-old baby boy. I think what I learned the most from that was two-fold: 1) I can survive on way less sleep than I could imagine, and 2) the capacity of the love that I had in my heart was truly incomprehensible. How another human being could fill me up so much amazed me. C went on his first trip to southern California that spring... he liked the water, loved the sand!

Cohen had so many people come out for his first birthday. Our house was bursting at the seams! And it was all kinds of wonderful to have all those people in one place. When the crowd thinned out, a group of us headed to Moab for some outdoor adventure. We hiked to the Delicate Arch in Arches N.P., we hiked through Canyonlands N.P., and took a hummer ride through Devil's Revenge, which was exactly how it sounds. Thrilling and equally terrifying. And the sunset views were spectacular.

Also in 2010, my mom got married, and I learned what it was like to have a blended family. Suddenly I had a stepdad, a stepsister, and a stepbrother. And Cohen gained some stepcousins. Being so far away sometimes makes it difficult to really connect with each other, but we do the best we can when we're together.

This was the year I found a home with a winter guard to coach. I got to join the Northridge High School winter and summer color guard program. It was in its inaugural season and took a lot to get it up and running, but it was very rewarding work. I coached that team for 4 seasons.

2011

This was a big year for me! This year, I saw one of my biggest dreams and my hard work converge when my first novel, The Cape House, was published. And I was so grateful to my friends who completely planned and executed my launch party while I was on bed rest for my pregnancy!

this pic is actually from 2019, but it's us!

This is the year that I met my best friend. She's made such an impact in my life over the last decade that I couldn't let it go amiss that this was a game-changer in my life.

*no photo here*

This was also the year that I discovered what it was like to be a survivor. Not that I faced physical death, but it was certainly a very real struggle. Five months into my pregnancy with my daughter, I ended up having unexpected surgery due to complications with kidney stones. It was terrifying to go under while pregnant. After that, I spent the next four months on bed rest. But while I was falling apart, my baby girl was holding strong. And I am so thankful to God for pulling her through.

2012

We welcomed our daughter into the world, and she brought with her so much joy! She came in with a bang and hasn't slowed down yet. I learned this year what it was like to have kidS! It certainly was different than it was with just one baby. And once again I discovered how love in your heart can only multiply. It can never fill up and that just be it. It's always growing.

We met a huge challenge this year when C broke his femur. Clear in half broke it. It was terrifying, stressful, heartbreaking and everything in between. He spent 6 weeks in a body cast. It's so hard to watch your baby go through something that hard when they're only 3 1/2 years old. He was sent so many gifts and treats to help him through, and even Grandma came out to be with him. To celebrate his achievement of getting through all of it and back on two feet (which was also a difficult task), we took our first family trip to Disneyland.

2013

This was an exciting year... Tim graduated with his BS in Engineering from the University of Utah. While he was the one working hard academically, it was truly a family effort to get him through school and there was a lot of sacrifice on both ends. I have never been so proud. This was also the year that Tim took his job with ATK (now Northrop Grumman)

I underwent another surgery this year when I had my gallbladder removed. There were a few complications from a massive hematoma, but once that finally cleared up it was amazing how much better I felt. Trust me when I say, you don't want to see a photo of this.

We went camping for the first time in Utah! It was a very different experience than camping in MN. We headed up about 10,000 feet to Mirror Lake. It was so beautiful. And cold!!!! I was completely unprepared for the nighttime temperatures. I have never been so thankful that our best friend randomly had a pair of spare pajama pants (and yes, he's a guy). I learned very quickly what to and what not to pack for the next time!

One of my besties called me on a Monday and asked if I wanted to go to Vegas on Thursday... of course I said yes! We had the best time hanging out poolside, drinking cocktails, and seeing La Reve!

Later that year I had the exciting opportunity to go to Rhode Island to visit a dear friend. I got to see Providence, Boston (and catch a Red Sox playoff game at Fenway), and go to Cape Cod. It was wonderful!

Tim has been recognized for many awards over the years with his company, but it all had to start somewhere, and this was the year. Even though it's strange to be in a huge room of nerdy engineers, it's always worth it to see him standing up there. And in case you're wondering, the guy in the brown jacket is a former astronaut.

2014

This year we had a kindergartner! Having a child in elementary school was exciting. C was also accepted into the Chinese Immersion program this year. This was the start of his dual language skills.

I also got to have a long weekend getaway to L.A. and see my aunts, which is always a great time! It was a completely chill vacay - and I got to spend so much time with both of my aunts. They're the best.

This was a trying year for me when I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type II. It was incredibly emotional - I carried a lot of resentment, frustration, and shame in my heart. That fall I started my journey of stabilizing my mental health. And it was a very rough road filled with more valleys than peaks. While still having episodes on both sides of the spectrum, I also had to fight and endure some of the worst side-effects from medication after medication. At the time, I only shared this diagnosis with my closest friends and only some of my family. It wouldn't be until 5 years later that I would actually come out and share my story.

This year I published my second novel, What I am Made of, and it was an incredible experience. I had a publicist for this publication and had 3 separate book signings!

2015

I kicked off the year with my big 3-0 birthday! And to celebrate, some of my best girlfriends and I went to San Diego. A little fun in the sun and some time on the beach is always good for the soul.

Big changes happened this year when I went back to work! I started a job in an insurance office, spent 8 months there, then shifted gears a little bit and took a job with a sleep center working from home. Working from home made running a home and family so much easier. But becoming a working mom brought with it new challenges as we navigated daycare and school schedules. And the fact that I had amazing friends was really reinforced this year as they began running my kids from point A to B when I was stuck at the office. Just another lesson that it really does take a village.

We took another family trip to Disneyland, California Adventure, Santa Monica beach, and to a cabin in Lake Arrowhead. We always love our California getaways, and I feel so blessed when we get to give our kids experiences like this. 

 2016

S and I kicked off this year with a trip to Fargo, ND to visit my sister and her new baby girl! We had so much fun snuggling that sweet baby!

My best friend and I got away for a weekend in St. George. We made a day-trip into Las Vegas for some shopping and caught an awesome show at Tuacahn! I'm so grateful for my bestie and a little time away is good for the soul. 

Tim and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary! To celebrate, we actually left town, a night away from the kids, and went to Lava Hot Springs, ID. It was a wonderful weekend together.

This was an emotional year for me when C was diagnosed with Dyslexia. We had to make some tough decisions, and I learned, very much the hard way, what it's like to advocate for my child in a very broke system. The true Mama Bear came out in me. And I discovered how loud my roar really is.

Gosh, more travel... this year we headed west to Lake Tahoe for Thanksgiving. We have the best time with my family. And my dad surprised the heck out of us when he showed up, too!

This year we also got to experience the SLS Rocket built by Tim's company - including the static fire of it. This is the largest rocket to-date (ever) and will take the next NASA crew to the farthest reaches of outer space that any human will have ever gone. It was so massive and impressive!

I had the opportunity for part of this year to work with another winter guard, and while it didn't last long-term, I had a lot of fun doing it again!

2017

My little S started kindergarten... and I officially had all my kids in elementary school. She also started the Chinese Immersion program this year. It was a little bittersweet as I realized how quickly my babies were growing up. But it was also fun to take on this new adventure.

This year was full of time spent on the water! In MN, we spent time on the lake or in a pool every day- for 10 days! We were also in MN for the 4th of July, so the kids got to experience what it's like to watch fireworks from a boat. Back at home in Utah, we also spent time on Yuba Lake and Pineview. (I truly have TOO many pictures on the lake to post!) We also took the kids to Mount Rushmore.

We also took the kids to Duluth, MN... Lake Superior, Glensheen Mansion, the harbor, the lighthouses, the waterfalls... it was amazing!

This year we also went to St. George with aunt Christine and cousin Bailey. The kids spent all their free time in the pool. We also went to Zion N.P. - and hiked the Narrows! And then we drove to Bryce Canyon. Wow... Mother Nature is amazing!

he's actually doing Chinese here

Everything I was fighting for for my C and his Dyslexia finally happened this year when he qualified for an IEP. And it was a game-changer! Sadly there is still struggle when it comes to the system with the school and so my Mama Bear is still alive and loud. We made major strides but I learned that if I want things done the right way, I have to keep on my A-game. Perseverance and fortitude were my lessons this year.

I did manage a little weekend getaway with my girlfriend to Las Vegas. It was so exciting to see O by Cirque du Soleil. Although I did party a little like I was 21 again and totally paid for it on our drive home. 

At the end of the year, the day after Christmas, I ended up having surgery on my left shoulder. It was a rough road and a long recovery. Lots of rehab. This helped to teach me some patience. And to know when it's okay to accept help from people. I mean, I couldn't even tie S's shoes in the morning for school. She had to go across the street to my neighbor for this! Don't let my half-smile in the pic fool you. Percocet works wonders on pain. 

2018

This was our ULTIMATE year of travel adventure! It even topped all others. It started in the spring when we went to Florida for spring break. We did all 4 Disney World parks, both Universal Studios parks (hello Hogwarts... oh my heart), the beach twice and a day at the Kennedy Space Center! I'm such a Disney nut and I was surprised by how amazing I thought KSC was.

Just 2 weeks after getting back from that exciting trip to the sunshine state, I took off to Fargo to meet my new baby nephew! I just couldn't get enough time with the babes and my sister! Just 3 months later, Tim hopped a flight to Fargo as well for the baptism of his new godson.

We also snuck in some camping up in the mountains with our besties! It's always nice to escape the valley heat in the summer for some cooler temps up 10,000 feet. And while we were there we added a new member to our family when we got Flynn, a 9 week old Collie.

We didn't make it to MN this year (the first time since we moved to Utah! Which was sad.) But we did take a great trip to So. Cal! C and S were a ring bearer and flower girl in my cousin's wedding. We spent a day at the beach with my brother and his family (yay for cousin time), and we joined my aunt and her family at the coolest house rental... I mean, that pool! On our way home we made a stop in Las Vegas and the kids got to experience M&M World, Coca Cola World, Hard Rock, the Bellagio fountains, and the strip all lit up at night. They were so enthralled by the lights they didn't even see the showgirls we were trying to block.

Just a couple weeks after California, we took a trip to Moab, Utah with aunt Christine and cousin Bailey. We did white water rafting, a float down the Colorado River, Arches National Park, and Canyonlands. It was such a fun getaway! Hot as heck, but fun!

In the fall, Tim and I had our first proper vacation since having kids when we went to San Diego for another wedding. We were joined there by my mom/stepdad and my sister/brother-in-law. In addition to my youngest brother and so much family! We had the best time! We kayaked the sea caves of La Jolla, went to Coronado, toured the Midway, spent a lazy day at Mission Beach, and did a dolphin watching boat ride (we saw over 100 dolphins!).

And then for Thanksgiving, we once again went west to Lake Tahoe. Whew... so much travel!

Aside from all of our adventures, this was a big year for me personally. I really stepped outside my comfort zone to embrace some change and personal growth. I took a leap of faith and left my job after 3 years and went into business for myself as a freelance writer. I also joined a women's networking organization and met some of the most wonderful people. Those people have only helped me to continue growing and expand my vision and horizon. I even got to speak at the anniversary event to a crowd of 80 people. I was terrified, but afterward, I was so glad to have done it. And glad to have it over with! I truly got to experience some very real happiness and self-discovery.

*Sorry, no picture here*
On Mother's Day, I ended up in the ER with severe (I mean, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't talk, I couldn't stand up) pain. I was treated for a severe case of SIBO (yeah, I'd never heard of it, either). Then in the fall, I got sick again. I was treated for a second round of SIBO. But after that cleared up, things didn't improve. I got so sick. I couldn't eat practically anything and was losing weight like crazy. After a ton of testing and a good doctor, I was diagnosed with Gastroparesis, a disorder that affects the stomach's ability to breakdown and digest food. A major lifestyle overhaul was required after that diagnosis, and it took months to really recover from all the damage to my GI. I was really tested with this event in my life. When I looked it in the face all I saw was a list of things I could no longer have: salad, most vegetables, many types of meat... the list is forever long. It was daunting and emotionally it took a toll on me. But with the support of many people in my life, I was able to find the strength to forge ahead and it has made all the difference in my life.

This was also the year that I had the best response to treatment for my Bipolar. I had gone through so many medications and dosage changes over the last 5 years and to finally feel good, healthy, strong and in control was the most amazing thing ever.

*no photos here... they wouldn't be exciting!)
This was an expensive year for us: we had to replace our roof, our appliances, and our water heater. Adulting is tough sometimes!

2019

Wow... at the end of the road!

This year was a fantastic year for me, personally. I wrote my latest novel, 150,000 words and 509 pages - the first book in a series. It took me two months (exactly 60 days) to research and write it. I was on fire. My life was consumed with it, but my mind just wouldn't let me stop! And my amazing family was so understanding when I just sat, tucked away in my bedroom, writing away. This new story really expanded my scope as a writer and took me so far outside of my comfort zone. But this story was alive in me and needed to be told. It took me 8 months to copy edit that beast and now it's in the hands of my beta readers. Right at the end of the year, I started the sequel. And once again, I have been on fire. It's been very exciting!

My business continued to grow this year and brought so many new people into my life. And I am grateful for every single opportunity that has come my way. I was a featured speaker at a business workshop, taught a class for youth writers, and I also had 2 stories published in a magazine, one of which was a cover story. 

I took a huge leap of faith in March this year when I came out and admitted that I have Bipolar Disorder type II, adult ADD, insomnia, and anxiety disorder. I'd lived under the shadow of fear and shame with my disorders for a long time, but with the love and support of some of the most amazing people, I found the courage to step out of that shadow and share my story. And I don't have one regret about it. This was an ultimate test of my faith- in my God and in myself. I learned what it was like to be terrified but to do it anyway. I'm learning to stop fighting and to start embracing. And like my necklace says, to stay a little wild.

For spring break we went to California. It was a last-minute decision and we had so much fun. I took the kids to Sea World, meeting up with our besties (Tim had to work that day - we hijacked his work trip), we went to the beach many times, and I took the kids into L.A. to the La Brea tar pits. Tim met us and we went to the Hollywood walk of fame and Grauman's Chinese Theater. He was totally freaked out by all the crazies! We also took a drive up to Griffith Park to the observatory and checked out the Hollywood sign. And once again, we got to spend time with our family and loved every second of it.

standing woman!

On July 5th, I tripped over Nala on the stairs and fell down 4 stairs. I ended up in the ER and was put in a boot and on crutches. The orthopedic said I fractured my ankle and tore my major ligaments. So I spent all of July and half of August in the boot and on crutches. In late summer/fall I started to rehab it but things weren't improving. An MRI showed the severity of my acute ligament tears and it was decided the best option I had was surgery. Without it, I was looking at a 2 year recovery time. That just wasn't an option. So in November, I had surgery. They made 6 incisions all around my ankle. One huge one. I was non-weight bearing for 6 weeks and on crutches for another 2. I'm finally on two feet (albeit with a boot).

We made it back to MN this year after last year's reprieve. And it felt so good to go home again. We did lots of things this time that we don't typically do. Of course, we spent as much time on the lake as we could, but we also caught a Twins game, went to this super cool STEM interactive museum, and got to go rock climbing! Though I had to sit that one out because I was on crutches. But it was okay. I'm terrified of heights. We also spent some time out on the farm... just kicked back and relaxing.

At the end of summer, Tim and I hopped a plane to L.A. We got a taste of what it's like to find time for just us and our marriage last year, and we decided it was important to make things like long weekend getaways a priority. We caught two Red Sox games when we were down there - which was why we went there - and it was freaking amazing! If you didn't already know, I absolutely love the Sox.

We were so blessed this year to have my mom and stepdad for Thanksgiving! We rarely get family here for holidays and the fact that my mom could be here to help me when I was lain up (yes, that's the correct form of lay in this sentence) and struggling was everything to me. 

While my mom was here, we watched on TV as my brother's football team (he's the head coach) won their state championship title. It was so exciting to watch his success!

We also started a home remodel project... which we are doing ourselves, so it's been a slow process and is ongoing. But very rewarding! And Tim is amazing because he really just makes whatever I tell him to. 

Goodbye 2019!

In addition to all these big events, we had even more small ones that were just as important. School programs, recitals, showcases, sports games, clubs, competition teams, birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, medical treatments, job promotions, family and friends,... There has been laughter, tears, sometimes tears because of laughter, and other times pull-out-my-hair frustration. Cohen made phenomenal progress with his reading! I even went to the state capitol to advocate for Dyslexia programs in our schools. Every year Tim takes a guy's football trip and this year they went to Seattle. They've been to Oregon, San Francisco, L.A., Arizona, San Diego, Las Vegas, and Washington again... 

Looking back really shows me the MANY blessings in my life. It's wild and crazy and hectic, and it's ours... I wouldn't change any of it. Even the hard times, because those shape us just as much, if not more, than the good times. I can't wait to see what the next 10 brings

Happy New Year!